Filename: MST3K - 503 - 20010307 - Swamp Diamonds.avi Filesize: 712,458,240 bytes Length: 01:31:55.265 MD5: 7a1c38cc4d6af8332c0dfa2994fb179b Brought to you by the MST3K Digital Archive Project: http://www.nicarus.org/MST3K/ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 503- SWAMP DIAMONDS with short: "WHAT TO DO ON A DATE" First shown: 7/31/93 Opening: The bots are obsessed with the 'Spock in love' "Star Trek" episode Invention exchange: U-view, Andrew Lloyd Webber grill Host segment 1: Tom wants to date Gypsy Host segment 2: He calls Gypsy to ask for a date Host segment 3: They go out on a date, briefly End: Tom thought the date went well, Gypsy dumps him, letter, Frank is watching himself Stinger: "Ssssssssshut up!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Info from Daddy O's Drive-In Dirt (www.mst3kinfo.com/daddyo/) 503 - SWAMP DIAMONDS (video title; 1956; NR; 73m) a.k.a. SWAMP WOMEN (original) a.k.a. CRUEL SWAMP (re-release) a.k.a. MUJERES DEL PANTANO (Mexico) released with BLONDE BAIT and 511-GUNSLINGER Shown with Short: 503S-What to Do on a Date Ad: "Branded Women! Notorious Women! Scarlet Women! SWAMP WOMEN!" Ad: "Man-Crazed Women... They Were All Bad Company!" Ad: "Flaming Passions! Weird Adventure!" Ad: "Deadlier Than the MALE!" Plot: An undercover cop and three female prison escapees kidnap Touch and hunt for diamonds in the swamp. Prod: Bernard Woolner (Attack of the 50 Foot Woman) Dir: Roger Corman (*311-It Conquered the World; 315-Teenage Caveman; 317-Viking Women; 511-Gunslinger; 806-The Undead; H01-The Day the World Ended; exec/406-Attack of the Giant Leeches; 618-High School Big Shot; 701-Night of the Blood Beast) Scr: David Stern (Francis; Francis Goes to the Races) Cin: Frederick West (311/511; 808-The She-Creature) Ed: Ronald Sinclair (317/808/H01; 309-The Amazing Colossal Man; 313-Earth Vs. The Spider; 319-War of the Colossal Beast) M/U: Carlie Taylor (307-Daddy-O; She Demons) PMgr: Bartlett Carre (psup/808/H01; Phantom from Space) Score: Willis Holman (Curse of the Living Corpse) Josie / Marie Windsor* Lee / Carole Mathews (Shark River; Strange Awakening) Vera / Beverly Garland (*311/511; Curucu, Beast of the Amazon) Bob / Mike "Touch" Connors* Billie / Jil Jarmyn (Tarzan's Fight for Life) Marie / Susan Cummings (Secret of Treasure Mountain) Captain Goodrich / Lou Place (dir/307; asst dir/806; pmgr-311; 815-Agent for H.A.R.M.) pickpocket / Jonathan Haze (311/315/*317/511/H01) cop / Ed Nelson (*315; 701-Night of the Blood Beast; 814-Riding with Death; K15-Superdome; cos/406) Classic line: "Maybe your Daddy told you my oil well looks good, huh?" Trivia: MIKE "TOUCH" CONNORS was most recognizable via his TV series Mannix. His real name is KREKER OHANIAN, so "Touch" doesn't sound so bad after all. You might have seen him as a thug in H01-THE DAY THE WORLD ENDED. Some of his other films: 1952-Sudden Fear; 1956-The Ten Commandments; 1964-Good Neighbor Sam (with Jack Lemmon); Where Love Has Gone (with Susan Hayward and Bette Davis); 1965-Harlow; 1966-Stagecoach; 1967-Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die; 1985-Too Scared to Scream; and 1988-Fist Fighter. Born Emily Marie Bertelson in 1922, MARIE WINDSOR appeared in 76 movies and made over 130 TV appearances. Before her performing career, she was Miss Utah and a Vargas model. She was the rare exception to the rule: she acted in both A-pictures as well as the B's, and was not typecast like most actresses of her era. Marie says she still has no intentions of retiring from acting. Her other films include: 1947's Song of the Thin Man (with William Powell and Myrna Loy); 1948's The Three Musketeers (with Vincent Price); 1949's The Fighting Kentuckian (the first of her three films with John Wayne); 1950's Dakota Lil; 1951's The Narrow Margin; 1952's film noir classic The Narrow Margin; 1954's awful 3-D Cat-Women of the Moon; 1955's Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy; 1956's The Killing (directed by the legendary Stanley Kubrick); 1957's The Girl in Black Stockings (with Mamie Van Doren); 1963's The Day Mars Invaded Earth; 1971's Support Your Local Gunfighter (with James Garner); and 1979's Salem's Lot (with James Mason). 503S - WHAT TO DO ON A DATE (copyrighted February 22, 1951; 11m) prequel to MORE DATES FOR KAY (1952) Shown with Movie: 503-Swamp Diamonds Short Type: Educational Plot: Gangly teen feels awkward asking a girl out on a date. Prod: Coronet Films (*320S2-Appreciating Your Parents; 616S-Are You Ready for Marriage?) Dir: Ted Peshak (The Benefits of Looking Ahead; Shy Guy; Are You Popular?) Scr: ? Bradford Scr: George Tychsen (The Benefits of Looking Ahead) Cons: Evelyn M. Duvall Ph.D., Natl. Council on Family Relations Cin: Dale Sharkey (The Benefits of Looking Ahead) Ed: Dick Kirschner (The Benefits of Looking Ahead) Kay / unknown actress (616S; More Dates for Kay) Other Characters (actors unknown): Nick, Jeff, Phyllis, George, other teens, and the narrator Classic Line: "Say, you enjoy lots of things, don't you?!" Trivia: At the scavenger sale, Kay picks up and dusts what appears to be a genuine Tiffany lamp, which was quite unfashionable in the 1950's. This supposed educational short was shown in high schools so that students could see what wholesome events were appropriate for dating. A few years ago, this same short was shown to inner city high school kids in Miami, Florida. They responded with expected laughter during its presentation, but then in discussion afterwards expressed that they missed out on more innocent, less stressful times. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Many Names of Touch Conners Tom: I wonder what other names Touch Conners considered before he hit on 'Touch'? Crow: 'Thrust' Joel: 'Jab' Tom: 'Fudge' Joel: 'Crunch' Crow: 'Blast' Tom: 'Smidge' Joel: 'Shout' Crow: 'Batch' Tom: 'Scrod' Joel: 'Flake' Crow: 'Wink' Tom: 'Sploot' Tom: 'Pinch' Conners? Crow: 'Probe' Conners! Joel: 'Wing' Conners. Tom: 'Snake' Tom: 'Grunt' Conners? Crow: 'Flink' Tom: 'Pat'? Joel: What about 'Hal'? Tom: 'Hal'?! Joel (Considers name): No... Tom: Snack? Slap? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Critics Reviews (tilt.largo.fl.us/critic/mstcrit.html): Greg Eichelberger's reviews 503-"Swamp Diamonds" (aka-"Swamp Woman")-Another Corman crappie, features Mike "Mannix" Connors (who, for some reason, was calling himself "Touch") plays a hostage to three convicts of the "Nardo Gang". The trio, Marie Windsor, Beverly Garland and Jill Harmyn, along with planted cop, Carole Mathews, escape from prison and make a bee-line to the Louisiana swamp to find some hidden diamond (hence, the title). Connors spends most of the time trussed up and abused by the three before falling in love with the mannish Mathews. Short, "What To Do On a Date" is one of my all-time favorites, as is the running gag of Servo going on a "date" with Gypsy. Earns an unqualified A. Motion Picture Guide SWAMP WOMEN 1 star (1956) 73m Woolner Brothers/Favorite Films of California c (AKA: SWAMP DIAMONDS, CRUEL SWAMP) A policewoman (Mathews) is sent undercover to a Louisiana women's prison in order to infiltrate the evil "Nardo Gang." These naughty ladies have stolen some jewels and it's up to Mathews to help them escape prison and discover where the loot is hidden. The gang is led by Windsor, with flirty Jarmyn and nasty Garland as her compatriots in crime. The girls get out but lose their boat in the muddy bayou when it sinks. Fortunately they run into geologist Connors (billed as "Touch," Mike's nickname from his UCLA basketball days) who is traveling with his girl friend and a guide. The gang knocks him out, kills the guide, and throws the hapless girl friend to the alligators. That will teach Connors to pick up strangers. He has to fight off their wanton lusts and, eventually, the diamonds are found. Garland grabs the guy and the jewels while the other women sleep. Fortunately, Mathews saves the day and walks off arm in arm with Connors. This is one of those "so bad it's good" types, featuring plenty of "rough" dialog from the ladies and some inept direction by Corman, "the King of the B's". Some seemingly doped-up alligators are supposed to provide danger, though in one sequence it's obvious Connors is doing battle with a giant lizard in the very safe atmosphere of a swimming pool. "Danger and death were just a slip away from the stars and technicians who made up the location unit," claimed a thundering press release. The same might be said for an audience member who falls asleep and tumbles from his seat to the floor. p, Bernard Woolner; d, Roger Corman; w, David Stern; m, Willis "Bill" Holman. Variety Magazine film reviews SUMMARY: Weak filler fare with exploitable title. (Hollywood, Oct. 30) Favorite Films release of Bernard Woolner production. Stars Marie Windsor, Carole Mathews, Beverly Garland; features Jil Jarmyn, Touch Connors, Susan Cummings. Directed by Roger Corman. Story and screenplay, David Stern; camera (Eastman Color), Fred West; editor, Ronald Sinclair; music, Willis Holman. Reviewed Oct. 24 '56. Running time, 70 mins. REVIEW: Only meager entertainment is dished out via "Swamp Women", Woolner Bros' production lensed entirely in Lousiana some months ago. Pic's chief asset is its exploitable tag; otherwise, it's just filler material. Story and screenplay by David Stern has policewoman Carole Mathews getting herself jailed so as to get "in" with three femme inmates who know where a fortune in stolen diamonds is hidden. Gals escape and head for the bayou country of Louisiana, where the gems are buried. After routine hardships- alligators, rattlers, friction and fights between the femmes, etc.- the party reaches its destination, the loot is uncovered and shortly thereafter the police, who's been trailing group, close in for the arrests. Miss Mathews makes the best acting impression, with Marie Windsor, Beverly Garland and Jill Harmyn all okay in respective roles. Touch Connors, boatman taken by the gals, is good in only male role of any imporance. Roger Corman's direction, somewhat over-melodramatic, fully utilizes the bayou area to pictorial advantage, with Fred West's Eastman Color camera work also aiding here. Technical contributions to pic, produced by Bernard Woolner, are mostly sub-standard. (Neal) Videohound's Cult Flicks and Trash Picks Ads shreiking "Flaming Passions! Weird Adventures!" as four escaped women convicts known as the "Nardo Gang" chase after a stash of stolen diamonds in the Louisiana bayou. Complications arise when the gang encounters "Touch" Connors (from Corman's Five Guns West) and his fiancee, who is later eaten by a stock footage alligator; hard-bitten B-queens Windsor (Kubrick's The Killing) and Garland (It Conquered the World, TV's My Three Sons) duke it out to win the captive he-man's charms. High camp swamp romp shot on location in Louisiana by Roger Corman for New Orleans drive-in moguls the Woolner Brothers (who later distributed numerous sword-and-sandel epics). Filmed in Wide Vision. AKA: Swamp Diamonds, Cruel Swamp. 1955 73m/C Mike Connors, Marie Windsor, Beverly Garland, Carole Mathews, Susan Cummings; D: Roger Corman. VHS $16.95 SNC (2 and 1/2 bones/4)