Article 2889 of alt.tv.mst3k:
From: corleyj@helium.gas.uug.arizona.edu (Jason D Corley )
Newsgroups: alt.tv.mst3k
Subject: Rock Climbing FAQ
Date: 11 Nov 92 00:44:50 GMT

Yuma Hall MSTies speak:

The Rock Climbing FAQ is here!  We watched "Lost Continent" last night and
believe me it was difficult to bring you these answers.  It was done at
the risk of life, limb and sanity.

We're fairly certain of the answers, although we think we might have
blacked out at some point (that's OK, we think the director must have,
too.)

1.  What is "Rock Climbing"?

Answer #1: An especially dull and pointless sequence in the film "Lost
	Continent".
Answer #2: A perfect example of the lack of "time compression through 
	editing" that, according to J. Robinson, is a staple of Lippert's
	cinematic creations.
Answer #3: A really long series of scenes involving 6 men climbing a
	mountain that appears to be the same set over and over again from
	marginally different camera angles.  Of course, we have to watch
	each man attempt each angle, (which, remember we are supposed to
	believe are different cliffs), INDIVIDUALLY, ONE AT A TIME, FOR
	LONGER THAN THE HUMAN MIND CAN WITHSTAND.
Answer #4: A really horrid experiment in behaviour modification by Dr. C.
	Forrester assisted by Tv's Frank.  ("I think... you're going... to
	die, Joel!")

2.  So how long is "Rock Climbing", anyway?

>From beginning to end, not counting the scene in which our intrepid 
heroes stop for the night in a cave halfway up the same set... er...
hill... um.... mountain, but INCLUDING a requisite Lippert 15-mimute break
(Not actually 15 minutes but a remarkable simulation) ("Keep the cameras
rolling.") "Rock Climbing" extends across 16 minutes and 17 seconds of
completely wasted film. Please note that it seems to take MUCH LONGER due
to the complete absence of any action, suspense, or remotely interesting 
material.

3.  Exactly what happens during "Rock Climbing"?

Answer #1: Nothing.  Nothing at all.  Nothing that you would care about,
	at least.

Answer #2:  OK, here's a rundown of what happens from the very outset of
	the "Rock Climbing" sequence, when our intrepid band of white male
	explorers (with the mandatory guns to shoot things they don't
	understand) sets out to find a rocket, climbing the "sacred
	mountain", which is "taboo", according to the native woman who
	"talk like jerk" (according to the production of "Explorers" Joel 
	the bots and Michael Sarazin put on in the end.)

		0:00 Climbing begins.
		3:00 The Will Rogers/Bob Mapplethorpe rope trick. In order
                     to get to the same set, they must throw a rope around
                     a "wild rock" and climb it, hoisting several people
                     up by their butts.
	  	4:30 Everyone is at the top of the rope.  They take a
                     15-minute break, keeping the cameras rolling, as per
                     Lippert's directing style.
		5:17 The 15-minute break is over, having produced nothing
                     in the way of comprehensible or interesting dialogue.
		5:53 Cesar Romero encounters a cloud of poison gas. Since
                     he is in front, we can only assume that the crab
                     salad is catching up with him.
		7:04 They rest for the night.  We stop our timers and take
                     our Prozac.
		9:00 At this point, the orchaestra gives up trying to make
                     this sequence sound exciting.
		10:18 After realizing that they are paid by the hour and
                      could therefore concievably be multi-millionaires by
                      the end of this sequence, the orchaestra resumes
                      playing.  The film is still boring.
		11:40 One of the scientists falls to his death. It's OK,
                      he wasn't important enough for us to get emotionally
                      attatched to him.  In fact, none of the 6 really
                      hold our interest at this point and we hope they ALL
                      fall to their horrible splattery doom and END this
                      film AND Lippert's career RIGHT HERE AND NOW.
		13:20 They reach a stunningly difficult 3 foot jump.
                      Unfortunately, all of them make it. Equally
                      unfortunate is the amount of time spent on the jump.
		15:27 Cesar announces "We've reached the top". This turns
                      out not to be the case, however, because...
		16:17 ...the last guy reaches the top and there's still an
                      hour and a half of movie to sit through! We stopped
                      our timers again, checked the pulses of the
                      blessedly unconscious and made out our notes on the
                      back of our Last Will and Testament which we had
                      written immediately prior to watching Cesar make his
                      3' jump.

4.  Do they climb back down?

Unfortunately, yes.  But the mountain blows up halfway down so it's not as
much "Rock Climbing" as it is "Rock Dodging", although they don't do a lot
of that, either, even though desk-sized chunks of rock are actually
hitting them in the head.  Guess it doesn't hurt much after filming the
climbing sequence...

We could have timed this sequence, but were advised by competent
physicians not to risk it.  Apparently our insurance rates would
skyrocket.


And there you have it.  The "Rock Climbing" FAQ.

Compiled by:
	Jason Corley (corleyj@gas.uug.arizona.edu)
	Ryan Franklin (franklir@gas.uug.arizona.edu)
	A Woozle whose name was Peanut
	Cambot, as himself
	Michael Sarazin as Winky
	The Authors of the First Amendment, and
	Roger Corman in a stunning evening gown.