106 - The Crawling Hand

HOST SEGMENTS:

"It has the star of 'Gilligan's Island,' and one from 'BIG VALLEY,' and one from the Hamburger Helper commercial." - See GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.

"Lives of 400 CREW MEMBERS hang in balance!" - Refers to "Star Trek" (1966-69), but we are unsure as to specific episode.

"Reed Richards, from the FANTASTIC FOUR."- See Reed RICHARDS.

"It has the star of 'GILLIGAN'S ISLAND,' and one from 'Big Valley,' and one from the Hamburger Helper commercial." - The star of "Gilligan's Island" (1964-67) is Alan Hale, Jr., who plays the sheriff in "Crawling Hand" and was the Skipper on "Gilligan's Island." See the Alan HALE capsule in the "Movie Segments" part of this page. "The Big Valley" (1965-69) was sort of ABC's counterpart for NBC's "Bonanza," taking place on a ranch, just like "Bonanza" did. "Big Valley" starred Barbara Stanwyck, Richard Long, Lee Majors, Linda Evans, and Peter Breck. Breck played Nick, Stanwyck's son, and appears in "Crawling Hand" as our hero, the crazy teenager. The Hamburger Helper reference is to the popular food product. Hamburger Helper comes in many varieties; you usually just have to add ground beef to whatever is in the Hamburger Helper box (noodles, cheese, spices, etc.) and voila! You have yourself a meal. The commercials features a walking, talking, adorable four-fingered hand. The hand in "Crawling Hand" isn't adorable or four-fingered, and it doesn't talk, but it does walk, and kill people, which the hand in the Hamburger Helper ads never does.

"It has the star of 'Gilligan's Island,' and one from 'Big Valley,' and one from the HAMBURGER HELPER commercial." - See GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.

"HANDS SO DRY can scratch name into it!" -

"NOT." - Mike the Website Guy and Eric disagree on this. Saying something you don't mean and then braying "Not!" is most recently from "Saturday Night Live's" "Wayne's World" sketches and the two films of that name (1992, 1993). But this episode of MST aired in late 1989 or early 1990. Were Mike Myers and Dana Carvey doing the "Wayne's World" sketch on "SNL" yet then? They were both in the cast by then; Myers was just barely beginning to appear regularly -- but had "Wayne's World" been invented? And had it caught on to the point where MST would use the "Not!" thing that became such a popular catchphrase later? Mike the Website Guy says no one said "Not!" before "Wayne's World"; Eric maintains that "Wayne's World" must have gotten it from common parlance and didn't invent it. The jury is still out, and will be until we can determine when the first "Wayne's World" sketch appeared.

"Reed RICHARDS, from the Fantastic Four." - Reed Richards and three other odd-abilitied superheroes make up Marvel Comics' "Fantastic Four." Sue Richards (Reed's wife) can become invisible, Johnny "Human Torch" Storm can set himself on fire (not a super-power, really, since anyone can do that), and Ben "The Thing" Grimm is real strong and looks like he's made out of rocks. The Fantastic Four had a cartoon from 1967-70 and 1978-79.

MOVIE SEGMENTS:

"These guys are the greatest comedy team since Willie AAMES and Scott Baio." - Willie Aames and Scott Baio first appeared together in "Zapped!" (1982), a teen movie about a guy (Baio) with telekinetic powers, which he mainly uses to take girls' clothes off (which, admit it, is what you would do, too). Since they were such a great comedy team there, they later appeared together on TV's "Charles in Charge" (1984-85 on CBS; 1987-90 in syndication). Aames was Charles's (Baio's) buddy Buddy Lembeck, and the show really wasn't all that bad, featuring as it did (in the syndicated episodes) the very hot Nicole Eggert, later of "Baywatch," and a really cool opening theme song. ("The new boy in the neighborhood/ Lives downstairs and it's understood/ He's there just to take good care of me/ Like he's one of the family/ Charles in charge of our days and our nights/ Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights/ And I see I want Charles in charge of me.") Aames had previously appeared as Tommy Bradford on "Eight is Enough" (1977-81); he now produces and directs for a video company in Kansas City, where he lives with his wife and daughter. Scott Baio began life in 1977 as Charles "Chachi" Arcola, Fonzie's cousin on "Happy Days" (1974-84). He became Joannie Cunningham's boyfriend, and the two of them, along with Al Molinaro as Al Delvecchio, left for their own show, "Joanie Loves Chachi" in 1982. It tanked, and the three came slinking back to "Happy Days" in 1983, just in time to watch that show wither and die. Baio appeared as Pat the Pig in a 1985 made-for-TV live-action version of "Alice in Wonderland," and has had guest spots here and there, too. He is the cousin of Jimmy Baio, the young fellow who played Billy Tate on "Soap" (1977-81). Baio can currently be seen occasionally on "Diagnosis Murder," starring Dick Van Dyke; furthermore, we're told he is the host on a series of sex-education videotapes for young kids, called "The Facts, Feelings, and Wonders of Life."

"Looks more like ADAM ANT." - Adam Ant was born Stuart Leslie Goddard in England. When he went into show business, he chose the name "Adam" because he liked the idea of the Garden of Eden (his first wife, Carol, even changed her name to Eve), and "Ant" because other insect-named groups like the Beatles had been so successful. He defines his style as "Antmusic," attempting to avoid classification; however, it's really '80s new-wave-type stuff. His biggest hits have been "Goody Two Shoes" (1982) and "Strip" (1983). A website devoted to him says that he was once beaten up by Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols.

"One ADAM-12, see the appendage at the corner of..." - Realistic cop show "Adam-12" (1968 75) was created by Jack Webb, formerly of "Dragnet," which also stressed authenticity. Adam-12 was the number of the main characters' squad car; radio broadcasts to them would begin, "One Adam-12."

"Oh yeah, well, we know Buzz ALDRIN." - Buzz Aldrin was the second man to walk on the moon, right after Neil Armstrong. His doctoral thesis on orbital techniques helped make the lunar landing possible.

"These guys are the greatest comedy team since Willie Aames and Scott BAIO." - See Willie AAMES.

"Look, it's Tammy Faye BAKKER." - Ex-wife of deposed PTL president and television evangelist Jim Bakker. The two were in the news during 1987, when scandals plagued them, and Bakker wound up serving time in prison for embezzlement. Tammy Faye was best known in those days for wearing an incredible amount of make-up, and for crying all the time -- a combination that resulted in a lot of smeared mascara and a ghastly appearance. We can recall that hardly a night went by during the summer of 1987 that Johnny Carson didn't make a joke about Tammy Faye Bakker's make-up. Tammy Faye has since re-married and become Tammy Faye Messner. She and the flamboyantly gay Jm J. Bullock recently tried co-hosting a syndicated talk show together, but it flopped because the two of them are so incredibly annoying, particularly together.

Only four men left who can handle the lunar rocket - "The BEATLES?" - The Beatles are probably the most famous four-man group in the history of mankind. See the PAUL entry for a few more details about them, and a website to look at.

"BEAVER WITHOUT A CAUSE." - See Jerry MATHERS.

"Look, it's Ed BEGLEY, Sr." - We find this joke very funny. Ed Begley, Jr., is an actor best known for playing Dr. Ehrlich on "St. Elsewhere" (1982-88). The man shown here does, indeed, look like an old version of Ed Begley, Jr.; hence, Ed Begley, Sr. Ed Begley¹s father -- the REAL Ed Begley, Sr. -- really was an actor, but looked nothing like his son. He appeared in "Twelve Angry Men" (1957) and "Sorry, Wrong Number" (1948), among others.

"Roddy McDowall, Milton BERLE." - A great joke, if you get it, which hopefully you will in a minute. First, see the BOOK OF LISTS entry. Now, realize that the "Book of Lists" has lists on all kinds of subjects, from religion to sex to politics to everything. Now, what to Roddy McDowall and Milton Berle have in common, causing them to be in the same list that Joel is supposedly reading from? Answer: They are among the celebrities rumored to have larger-than-normal penises. It's not pretty, we realize, but that's the joke. We can't find anything to substantiate this rumor (we really didn't try very hard); women who have slept with either of them probably are not willing to admit it. Milton Berle is known as "Mr. Television," due to his long-running and very popular show in the early '50s. "Uncle Miltie," they used to call him. He also used to steal jokes from other comedians quite a bit. Roddy McDowall is best known these days for his role as an ape in "Planet of the Apes" and a couple of the ensuing movies of that genre.

"You know, it doesn't get any BETTER THAN THIS." -

"Isn't that Nick from the 'BIG VALLEY'?" - Why yes, it is. "The Big Valley" (1965-69) was sort of ABC's counterpart for NBC's "Bonanza," taking place on a ranch like "Bonanza" did. "Big Valley" starred Barbara Stanwyck, Richard Long, Lee Majors, Linda Evans, and Peter Breck. Breck played Nick, Stanwyck's son, and appears in "Crawling Hand" as our hero, the crazy teenager.

"This was no BOATING ACCIDENT." - From "Jaws" (1975), Steven Spielberg's first major film and one of the classics of all scary movies. The film features at least two severed limbs, results of a shark attack, and this line is associated with that.

"This BOOK OF LISTS has everything." - David Wallechinsky and Amy Wallace's series of books containing nothing but lists -- Longest Running Broadway Plays, Most Common Street Names, Most Hated Historical Figures, etc., etc. Very fascinating and fun to read.

"Isn't that a David BOWIE song?" - See MAJOR TOM.

"Looks like BUB, from My Three Sons." - See MY THREE SONS.

Great CAESAR's ghost - "Julius, Augustus?" - Julius Caesar was born a patrician, though his family hadn't gained any real prominence. After much military success, he became ruler of Rome in 49 B.C. and remained there until he was assassinated in 44 B.C. The whole thing is dramatized in Shakespeare's play about him, you know. Augustus Caesar (real name Octavian) was the son of Julius Caesar's niece; however, Julius stipulated in his will that Augustus be adopted into his family. He ruled Rome from 27 B.C. to A.D. 14.

"I found my CARMEX, there's some sand in it, though." - Carmex is a brand of lip balm, like unto Chapstick. It comes in a little round cannister, about the size of a silver dollar, rather than on a stick, and the advantage is that you don't get your lip germs on it (since you have to apply it with your finger), making it safe to share with others in this disease-phobic world we live in.

"I would now like to sing CATHY'S CLOWN." - "Cathy's Clown" was an Everly Brothers song in 1960. We are unable to find any further information.

"CATS CAN'T RESIST the cosmic treat." -

"That was rotten, Johnny. And she's Nancy. And that looks like the CHELSEA HOTEL." - Johnny Rotten (real name John Lydon) was a member of the anarchistic British punk rock group Sex Pistols in the '70s. Nancy was Nancy Spungen, girlfriend of fellow Pistol Sid Vicious (real name John Ritchie). Sid allegedly stabbed Nancy to death in New York's Chelsea Hotel in 1978; there was a lack of evidence to convict him, but he died of a drug overdose a few months later anyway, so it's OK.

"CLEARASIL! Oxy, Oxy!" - Two competing brands of acne medication.

"He looks like Bob CRANE." - Bob Crane is best known as Colonel Robert Hogan in "Hogan's Heroes" (1965-71), the wacky sitcom about a WWII POW camp. We just learned that John Banner, who played a Nazi on the show, was actually Jewish, which we find fascinating.

"The CRAWLING HAND: You will believe a hand can crawl." - Parody of the slogan used in commercials for "Superman" (1978): "You will believe a man can fly."

"CUJO?" - Title of a Stephen King novel made into a 1983 film. Cujo was the name of a rabid St. Bernard dog that kills some people while merely terrorizing others. Dee Wallace starred in the movie, with Danny Pintauro as her son. Pintauro later appeared as young Jonathan on "Who's the Boss?" (1987-92) and recently announced that he is gay, not that anyone cares.

"Looks more like Robert Smith from the CURE." - Robert Smith is the lead singer for The Cure, the melancholy, often macabre, new wave rock band. The band has existed since 1976, when it was called "Easy Cure," named after one of their early songs. It was shortened to just The Cure in 1978; Robert Smith has often said the worst part about the band is its name. Smith dresses in black, has black stringy hair, and often wears make-up, and he always seems so sad, like you just want to go up and give him a hug. The Cure have an official website; there's also an unofficial FAQ here.

"I think they're gonna do a scene from 'CYRANO.'" - "Cyrano de Bergerac" was a play written by French guy Edmond Rostand in the 17th century. It tells the tale of a large-nosed fellow named Cyrano who helps his friend Christian woo the lady he loves by telling him what to say. The play's most famous scene is the balcony scene, where the gal listens from her window while Cyrano, hiding in the bushes, feeds Christian his lines.

"Mister Misdemeanor - that's what you get when you rob a DAIRY QUEEN." - Dairy Queen, the omnipresent chain of ice cream/fast food places, used to have an item called Mister Misty. So this is a little pun, then; we hope you enjoyed it.

"Looks like a cross between Jerry Mathers and James DEAN." - See Jerry MATHERS.

"Think he's been watching James DEAN movies?" - James Dean was sort of the quintissential '50s rebel-in-a-leather-jacket, behaving sort of like this guy is.

"I recognize him, he used to be with DEF LEPPARD." - Refers to Rick Allen, the drummer for '80s heavy metal band Def Leppard, who lost his left arm in a 1984 car accident but continued to play with the band. By using a lot of foot pedals, he is able to play better than a lot of two-armed drummers.

"They couldn't even work for DOMINO'S PIZZA delivery." - Domino's Pizza, a nation-wide chain of delivery and take-out pizza parlors, used to be on top of the pizza delivery business, thanks to their 30-minute guarantee: If they didn't have the pizza at your house within 30 minutes, you either got it free or at a discount, depending on the store's particular program. This guarantee was eliminated in 1993, though, after a driver struck a pedestrian who then sued Domino's, claiming that the unreasonable time limit made Domino's employees drive recklessly. Domino's, for its part, always insisted that drivers were not penalized for late deliveries, and they limited their delivery areas so that a half hour wasn't usually unreasonable (it only takes eight minutes or so to actually make the pizza). Still, the company bowed to the pressure and stopped their 30 minute guarantee. Since then, they have remained profitable, but not nearly as much as before, since the guarantee of prompt delivery was always about half of what made the pizza worth ordering.

"It's Kirk DOUGLAS." - Looks like him, all right. Kirk Douglas was born Issur Danielovitch Demsky in Amsterdam, New York, in 1916. He has appeared in 80-some movies since 1946, including the title role in "Spartacus" (1960). He also starred in "Lust for Life" (1956) and "Gunfight at the O.K. Corral" (1957). He is the father of actor Michael Douglas.

"You DRIVE ME CRAZY." - See FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS.

"It's a DUST-BUSTER." - Brand of small, hand-held vacuum cleaners, used for getting hard-to reach places and small areas. They're portable, too, so you can use 'em in the car.

"It's an ELVIS ZOMBIE. Thank you, thank you very much, banana sandwich, Elvis has left the kitchen." - Yeah, he looks sort of like Elvis Presley. Presley was known for his appetite, particularly in his later years, and peanut butter and banana sandwiches were said to be among his favorites. "Elvis has left the building" was spoken on at least one occasion when fans wouldn't stop screaming after a concert, hoping they could convince him to come back on and sing more. They had to be told that this simply was not to be, for Elvis had, indeed, left the building, and was not coming back.

John ENTWISTLE - See Pete TOWNSEND.

"He's got the EYE OF THE BEAST." -

"Roland Gift, from the FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS." - Roland Gift and his group, Fine Young Cannibals (the name is from the 1960 Robert Wagner/Natalie Wood movie "All the Fine Young Cannibals") scored their biggest hits in the mid-'80s with "She Drives Me Crazy" and "Good Thing," both from their album "The Raw and the Cooked." They had no more hits, but that didn't stop them from releasing a greatest hits album not long ago.

"Just like FOOTLOOSE." - Refers to the 1984 hit film starring Kevin Bacon and John Lithgow, in which a small town has somehow managed to outlaw dancing. This film was made partly in Utah, which is where we both currently live, and every time we drive past the place where it was filmed, any Utah natives in the car with us will point out, "That's where they filmed 'Footloose.'" Frankly, we don't care anymore.

"Is this 'FROM HERE TO ETERNITY'?" - Refers to the classic 1959 film about Army life in Hawaii just before the Pearl Harbor attack. Specifically, the movie has a famous scene in which Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr get pretty frisky on the beach, rolling around on the sand and kissing and stuff, with the waves crashing around them.

"The night I went home with Yuri GAGARIN." - Soviet cosmonaut who was the first man in space, ever. It happened in 1961. He only circled the earth once, and he bailed out of his spaceship before it landed, but it still counted.

"This is when she does her Judy GARLAND impression." - Unsure of exact reason for mentioning Judy Garland here. Born Frances Gumm in 1922, Judy Garland gained national prominence with her role as Dorothy in 1939's "Wizard of Oz." She went on to star in plenty of movies, including a lot of musicals: "Meet Me in St. Louis" (1944) and "Easter Parade" (1948), to name a couple. She died of liver disease in 1969.

"Hairstyles by GORDON OF GOTHAM." -

"GRANDPA ED." - See Ed BEGLEY, Sr.

Alan HALE - Alan Hale was technically Alan Hale, Jr.; his father was also an actor who appeared in nearly 200 movies before his death in 1950. Sometime after that, Junior dropped the "Junior" and became professionally known as Alan Hale, and went on to appear in about 80 films. He will forever be best known, however, for his role as the Oliver Hardy-esque Skipper on "Gilligan's Island" (1964-67). It was nearly impossible for him to get good roles after that; witness other MST films "Angels Revenge" (#622) and "The Giant Spider Invasion" (#810). Not that he tried too hard; he frequently made guest appearances on TV shows, particularly sitcoms, in Skipper-like roles, as sort of an inside joke that most people were already getting tired of. (Notice him say "little buddy" in "Spider Invasion"). The Skipper's real name, heard only in the first episode of "Gilligan's Island," was Jonas Grumby. His first mate was Gilligan, played by Bob Denver, whom he called "little buddy."

"I've got a couple of HAMMOCKS and sailor's hat I'd like you to wear." - See Alan HALE.

"And now a really big HAND for ..." - They're doing an impression of Ed Sullivan, host of the longest-running variety show ever on television (1948-71). The show was officially called "Toast of the Town" until 1955, when it became "The Ed Sullivan Show." The Beatles made their first American TV appearance on that show; Elvis Presley, despite popular rumor to the contrary, did NOT make his first TV appearance there. He had previously appeared on several other variety shows. Also, it wasn't until his third Ed Sullivan appearance that he was filmed only from the waist up; his first two spots showed him in all his hip-wiggling splendor. Sullivan himself had been a newspaper columnist, and he was not a performer. He couldn't sing, dance, or act, and he could barely put forth enough charisma to introduce his guests every week. Still, for many years practically everyone in America watched "The Ed Sullivan Show" every Sunday night.

"I was born to HAND JIVE." - Song from hit Broadway musical "Grease," which premiered in 1972, was made into a hit film in 1978, and has been enjoying a 25-anniversary revival lately. The "hand jive" is a sort of dance that you do with your hands. It's not really dirty, as much as we'd like it to be.

"W.C. HANDY." -

You've had a hard night - "A HARD DAY'S NIGHT." - "A Hard Day's Night" was a 1964 film starring the Beatles as themselves. It was their first film and featured lots of great Beatles songs on the soundtrack, including "Can't Buy Me Love," "And I Love Her," and the title song.

"Max HEADROOM's dad." - Max Headroom first became well-known to Americans in a series of odd Coca-Cola commercials in the mid-'80s. Played by Matt Frewer, Max Headroom was made to look like a computer-generated image; he appeared, therefore, only on TV screens, stammering as he spoke and behaving in an irreverent, wacky manner. The character began in England as host of a music video show, frequently interrupting things to make odd comments. In 1987, ABC aired a series called "Max Headroom" that lasted only a few months. Garry Trudeau, creator of the "Doonesbury" comic strip, got a lot of mileage during this era with his "Ron Headroom" character, which was basically an off-the-wall, computer-generated version of President Reagan.

"HE ASKED ME! He asked me!" - It's from a Monty Python sketch; we'd like to know which one.

That's the HELVETICA constellation we're looking at." - Helvetica is a common font on many computer word-processing programs. Eric prefers New York, though he's been known to use Helvetica when necessary. If the Internet recognized fonts, we'd show you what it looks like; it actually is pretty close to the credits in "Crawling Hand."

"She's a victim of HODGEKISS DISEASE." - Seems like kind of an odd joke to make, referring to a type of cancer, but hey, who are we? The character, you'll notice, is named Mrs. Hodgekiss; Hodgkin's Disease is a form of cancer, generally the most treatable and most curable. We found a website about it, but all it did was depress Mike the Website Guy, so we're not making a link to it.

"Hey, it's Timothy HUTTON." - Best known for his role in "Ordinary People" (1980), for which he was nominated for an Oscar. He has since appeared in "The Temp" (1993), "Beautiful Girls" (1996) and "French Kiss" (1995), along with a couple dozens others.

ISOTONER GLOVES - Brand of well-fitting, expensive gloves, made famous recently because O.J. Simpson may have owned a pair, and a bloody one was found at the scene. We're not even going to get into the whole O.J. thing.

"I think she's doing Mrs. Captain KIRK." - Refers to the captain of the Starship Enterprise on "Star Trek" (1966-69) and its first several films (1979, 1982, 1984, 1986, 1989... do you really care?), played by the over-acting and melodramatic William Shatner. That's the joke here; she's chewing the scenery in classic Shatner style.

"Skipper! LITTLE BUDDY!" - See Alan HALE.

Melvin LOCKHART - "June's boy?" - June Lockhart is best known as the mom on "Lassie" (1954 74), though she only played the role from 1958-64, less than half of the show's lengthy run. Actually, it's possible that she's best known as the mom on "Lost in Space" (1965-68). Of course, she also played Dr. Janet Craig on "Petticoat Junction" (1963-70) from 1968-70, meaning that she was on popular TV shows almost non-stop from 1958 until 1970.

"It's like LOVE, AMERICAN STYLE." - The 1969-74 series' opening credits featured fireworks like these. The show, a comedy, was an anthology series, meaning there were no recurring characters: Each week two or three different stories about love and romance were presented. "Happy Days" (1972-84) sort of began as a "Love, American Style" segment. Actually, a pilot for the show had been filmed, but when the networks weren't interested, it re-surfaced on "Love, American Style." In the meantime, George Lucas had seen the pilot and used it as inspiration for his influential "American Graffiti" film; the success of that movie, and not the success of "Love, American Style," made ABC finally take "Happy Days." At any rate, "Love, American Style" reappeared in 1985 with new episodes on daytime TV.

LUBRIDERM - Popular brand of hand lotion and other skin care products.

"Someone better call MADGE, the Palmolive case worker." - See SOAKING.

"This is MAJOR TOM to ground control." - From the 1970 David Bowie song "Space Oddity," about a guy having problems while in space, much like the plot of the movie here. During the verse, the lyric is "Ground Control to Major Tom," but the chorus eventually does say, "This is Major Tom to Ground Control." German new wave pop singer Peter Schilling had a hit in 1983 with his song "Major Tom (Coming Home)," which was based on the David Bowie song.

"If he sings 'MARIA,' I'm going to lose it." -

"Damn MARY ANN." - See Alan HALE.

"Looks like a cross between Jerry MATHERS and James Dean." - Indeed he does. Jerry Mathers is best known -- in fact, we can't imagine any other reason why you might know him -- for playing Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver on "Leave It to Beaver" (1957-63), as well as on its lame Disney Channel/TBS sequel "The New Leave It to Beaver" (1985-89). James Dean starred in "Rebel without a Cause" (1955) and "Giant" (1956), among others, before his untimely death via automobile accident.

"Roddy McDOWALL, Milton Berle." - See Milton BERLE.

"It's MILLER TIME." - Slogan of Miller beer and Miller Lite, from the Miller Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Commercials would feature men doing rugged, manly things like building a house or unclogging a toilet (maybe not) and then declaring, "And now... it's Miller time," meaning that it was time to quit working a drink a lot.

The county jail is full of them - "Sal MINEO impersonators?" - He looks like him, and kinda acts like him too, all rebellious and stuff. Sal Mineo grew up on the means streets of the Bronx, and was involved with a gang by age 8. After being arrested for robbery at age 10, he was given the choice of going to juvenile confinement or professional acting school. He chose the latter and was soon appearing in films. He was nominated for Best Supporting Actor in "Rebel without a Cause" (1955) and "Exodus" (1960); he also appeared in "Escape from the Planet of the Apes" (1971), "The Greatest Story Ever Told" (1965), and as the title character in "The Gene Krupa Story" (1959). By the late '60s his career was completely fizzling out (evidenced by his playing a monkey in that "Apes" movie). He was rumored to be bisexual, which actually hurt one's career in those days. In 1976, he was stabbed to death by a guy named Lionel Ray Williams, who was sentenced to life in prison.

"1313 MOCKINGBIRD LANE, this is the place." - 1313 Mockingbird Lane is where "The Munsters" lived in their 1964-66 CBS sitcom, as well as in the 1988-90 syndicated sequel series. The family, much like the "Addams Family," which originally aired the same years, was an odd bunch of monsterish misfits, though they did not exhibit monsterish behavior. Dad looked like a Frankenstein monster, Mom and Grandpa looked like vampires, son looked like a werewolf. You get the idea.

MR. MISTER - Something here reminds Joel and the 'Bots of the '80s pop/rock band Mr. Mister. The group's biggest hits came from their 1985 album "Welcome to the Real World," and included "Broken Wings," "Kyrie," and "Is It Love." The band broke up in 1989. Read all about 'em here.

"Looks like Bub, from 'MY THREE SONS.'" - Bub was Bub O'Casey, the grandfather on "My Three Sons" (1960-72), played by Williams Frawley, who had previously played Fred Mertz on "I Love Lucy" (1951-57). Frawley left "My Three Sons" in 1964 due to health reasons; he was well into his 70s by that time, and one book we read described him as a "two-fisted drinker."

"It's Harriet NELSON's evil twin." - She does look like Harriet Nelson, matriarch on TV's longest-running sitcom, "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet" (1952-66). The show was truly a family affair, as Ozzie and Harriet Nelson and their two boys, David and Ricky, all played characters with those same names on the show. Ozzie also created, directed and wrote the show, which was in black and white for all but its last season, and which wound up with a total of 435 episodes. (Even if a sitcom ran for 14 years now, it would only produce about 300 shows, since only about 22 episodes are produced per year nowadays, compared to the 30+ in the old days.) Ozzie and Harriet made few TV appearances after their show, except for a short-lived syndicated sequel "Ozzie's Girls" in 1973.

"It's the NIGHTTIME COUGHING aching sneezing stuffy head fever so you're being chased by a human hand medicine. - Play on the slogan of the cold medicine NyQuil: "The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy-head, fever, so you can rest medicine." NyQuil is 25 percent alcohol, which may explain why it knocks you the heck out.

"NORMAN, get away from the window." - The house looks like the house in Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece "Psycho" (1960). The voice here is that of Norman Bates's domineering "mother." Anthony Perkins played Norman in the film and its so-so sequels, which didn't come out until the '80s. The fellow in "Crawling Hand," at this point, even looks a bit like Norman, peeking out through the curtain like that.

"Clearasil! OXY, Oxy!" - See CLEARASIL.

PAUL - "George, John, Ringo? Who am I kidding, they'll never get back together again." - That would be Paul McCartney, George Harrison, John Lennon and Ringo Starr, the four lads from Liverpool known as the Beatles. They broke up in 1969, leaving their vast legions of fans devastated and hearbroken. Rumors of reunion concerts or albums abounded but never materialized. "Saturday Night Live" producer Lorne Michaels once offered, on the air, the ridiculously low price of $5,000 if they would have a reunion on the show. (They would have had to split the money among them.) All four former Beatles tried their hand at solo projects, with varying degrees of success. Only Paul McCartney has had any lasting success as a solo artist; John Lennon probably would have had he not been killed by Mark Chapman in 1980. This website here is quite informative in all Beatles-related matters.

"PEOPLE TRY to put us down." - See Pete TOWNSEND.

"Good morning, Mr. PHELPS." - Jim Phelps was the main character on "Mission: Impossible" (1966-73; 1988-90) for all but its first season (when Steven Hill played Dan Briggs). The show would begin with him receiving tape recorded instructions as to what that week's impossible mission was. The tapes would begin, of course, "Good morning, Mr. Phelps."

"PLAY-DOH face, Play-Doh face." - Play-Doh is the children's very pliable modeling clay that comes in different colors and is enormously fun to play with and smell.

Prints are small - "PRINCE is pretty small." - A little play on words. Minneapolis-based pop artist Prince was quite big in the mid-'80s with his sexuality-fraught songs "Purple Rain" (also a movie), "When Doves Cry," "Let's Go Crazy," and "1999," among others. He is pretty short, and pretty womany too, though no one ever seriously suspected him of being gay. A few years ago he changed his name to a symbol that doesn't have a pronunciation; this made it difficult to talk about him (not that many people were talkinga about him at this point anyway), so folks started referring to him as "The Artist Formerly Known as Prince," or TAFKAP. Now, it's just "The Artist."

"RAPUNZEL, Rapunzel, let down your hair." - From the old children's fairy tale in which a girl with long, beautiful hair is locked up in a tower by her wicked stepmother (is there any other kind?). Her handsome suitor comes to call, and he comes up to see her by climbing up her hair, which must have fairly strong roots to withstand being climbed on like that. He would say, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb that golden stair."

"He's a REBEL WITHOUT A HAND." - Refers to "Rebel without a Cause" (1955), James Dean's greatest performance as an alienated teenager yearning for self-esteem, acceptance, etc. Reference had already been made to our hero's resemblance to James Dean.

What man do you happen to know that walks on the ceiling? - "Lionel RITCHIE." - Lionel Ritchie danced, actually, in the song "Dancing on the Ceiling" (1985). Ritchie was formerly of the R&B group the Commodores, but had a string of solo hits in the '80s, including the aforementioned one. Others included "Say You, Say Me," "Hello," and "All Night Long."

"Here they come to SAVE THE DAY." - This could be a reference to Mighty Mouse, the diminutive-but-powerful cartoon rodent whose show ran from 1955-66, with new episodes in 1987-89. In a very operatic style, he would declare, "Here I come to save the day!" as he flew to the scene of impending doom.

"I think he's taking acting lessons from William SHATNER." - William Shatner played Captain Kirk on "Star Trek" (1966-69) and in the first several "Star Trek" films. He later starred in "T.J. Hooker" (1982-87) and as the host of "Rescue 911" (1989-present). He is known for being a melodramatic over-actor, particularly at MST, where they refer to him frequently.

"Is Artie SHAW in this?" - Artie Shaw was a bandleader in the old days. Any additional information, including why he is mentioned here, would be helpful.

"Not Paul, but an incredible SIMULATION." - In the late '70s, years after the Beatles had disbanded, a show called "Beatlemania" toured the country. It featured four guys impersonating the Beatles, and the ads read, "Not the Beatles, but an incredible simulation."

"SKIPPER! Little buddy!" - See Alan HALE.

"Looks more like Robert SMITH from the Cure." - See CURE.

"Pancake batter? You're SOAKING in it." - Originally "Palmolive?" "You're soaking in it." Madge the Manicurist was the character on a whole bunch of commercials for Palmolive dishwashing liquid. She would get customers to soak their hands in the stuff, without their knowledge, and they would whine about rough hands. They'd say, "What should I try?" And Madge would say, "Try everything, and use Palmolive." "Palmolive?" "You're soaking in it." And they'd have a big ol' laugh.

"She's putting on Dr. SPOCK's housecoat." "Dr. or Mr.?" "Mr." - Dr. Benjamin Spock, whose books on raising babies influenced a whole generation of parents in the '60s, seems more likely to wear this kind of coat than does Mr. Spock, the half-human, half-Vulcan character played by Leonard Nimoy on "Star Trek" TV series and movies.

"Too many years at the STRASBERG SCHOOL." - Lee Strasberg operated an acting school for many years. Among his students were Marlin Brando and Marilyn Monroe. Refers to the hysterical nature of the actor onscreen here.

"This was no SUICIDE. It's murder." -

"He's doing his Pete TOWNSEND impression." - Pete Townsend was guitarist for '60s rock group The Who. Roger Daltrey was lead singer, John Entwistle played bass, and Keith Moon was the drummer. They had plenty of hits; the one referred to in this episode is "My Generation" (1966), which begins with the line, "People try to put us down."

"Let's TWIST AGAIN like we did last summer." - From the Chubby Checker song "Let's Twist Again," from the '50s.

"It's from a place called UNCHARTED DESERT ISLE." - See Alan HALE.

"I have touched the UNCLEAN THING." -

"It's Sid VICIOUS." - See CHELSEA HOTEL.

"Must get VITALIS, rub into scalp, get rid of flaking." -

WASHINGTON - "George, Grover?" - George Washington was the first president of the United States, the Father of Our Country, he's on the quarter and the dollar bill, blah blah blah. Grover Washington is a jazz saxophonist.