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The Unofficial Episode Guide
Chris Cornell [MSampo@AOL.com] and Brian Henry [Erhardt4@aol.com]
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SEASON "ZERO": KTMA-TV CHANNEL 23 1988-1989
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Featuring the observations and annotations of Joe "Average Joe" Barlow.
K00- THE GREEN SLIME
This half-hour dry-run pilot featured riffing on only a portion of the movie and some
rudimentary host segments. It was never shown on television and no fan copy is known to exist.
However, the primitive "door sequence" and what appears to be the opening host segment, is
featured in the MST3K Scrapbook tape, sold by Best Brains.
K01- INVADERS FROM THE DEEP
First shown: 11/24/88.
No fan copy is known to exist.
K02- REVENGE OF THE MYSTERIANS
First shown: 11/24/88.
No fan copy is known to exist.
K03- STAR FORCE: FUGITIVE ALIEN 2
First shown: 11/27/88.
No fan copy is known to exist.
K04- GAMERA VS. BARUGON
First shown: 12/4/88
Opening: Joel introduces the movie and plays a message from a happy caller.
Host segment 1: J&TB listen to messages from two more viewers. The first caller is angry about
the "constant interruptions" (i.e, the riffing), but the second caller wants "More! More!
More!" This segment appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.
Host segment 2: Gypsy gets upset when a caller asks for "less movie, more chapstick"
(presumably, he meant to say "slapstick"). The crew promises to use more chapstick in the
future, and Joel offers Gypsy a choice between regular and wintergreen.
Host segment 3: Crow explains the best ways to keep various body orifices clean and healthy.
"Never put anything in your ear larger than a pirate!"
End: Servo and Crow make prank phone calls to Domino's Pizza and Dan Quayle. Crow explains
several uses for doggie-doo, and Joel invites viewers to call in with their comments.
Special Notes: This is the earliest KTMA episode that has been "found" by fans, and it's quite
different from the later shows. The Mads have not yet appeared, and Josh's Servo speaks with a
high-pitched "Kermit the Frog"-type squeak, very different from the laconic "seen-it done-it"
voice he later adopted for the character.
K05- GAMERA
First shown: 12/11/88.
Opening: It's Christmas time on the Satellite of Love. Crow volunteers to be cryogenically
frozen and turned into a Christmas tree.
Host segment 1: Joel ponders using Servo as a snowman lawn-ornament next Christmas. A caller
demands to know who does Joel's hair, and Joel invites the caller to watch the end credits.
Host segment 2: A caller asks Joel why he doesn't hire Godzilla to appear on the show. Gypsy
agrees to impersonate Godzilla, after some coaxing from Joel. Viewers are invited to
participate in a Ted Turner phone survey.
Host segment 3: Joel and Servo listen to more fan messages. One caller expresses his fondness
for "giant turtles who breathe fire and sh*t".J&TB debate whether the film's fight scenes look
fake or not.
End: Joel thanks everyone for calling in, and re-runs the footage of Crow getting frozen. Gypsy
thinks Crow "isn't really beautiful", but sings a holiday song with Joel anyway.
Special Notes: Joel watches the film by himself; as such, this episode contains what may be the
poorest riffing in MST3K's rich history. It's not uncommon for poor Joel to go more than two
minutes without making a single joke. Although Servo appears in the host segments, he does not
join Joel in the theater. This is never explained. Trace was reportedly out of town during the
shooting of this episode, which is why the "Christmas tree gag" was invented.
K06- GAMERA VS. GAOS
First shown: 12/18/88.
Opening: Crow is still frozen (see previous show). A caller complains about the Gamera movies;
Joel apologises but says there's nothing he can do. He shows a picture of the Mads, and
explains that they choose the movies.
Host segment 1: Servo hits puberty and develops a new "DYNAMIC MIGHTY VOICE!" (Portions of this
skit appear on the MST3K Scrapbook tape).
Host segment 2: Gypsy wants a new voice too, but Joel thinks she sounds like Kim Carnes and is
therefore sexy. A caller asks Joel to unfreeze Crow, and Gypsy eats the shiny spagetti (tinsel)
that Joel decorated with.
Host segment 3: A young viewer invitesJ&TB to his birthday party. They can't make it, so Servo
sends special birthday wishes. He goes off on a tangent. And keeps going. And going.
End: With his new MIGHTY VOICE, Servo talks about the upcoming New Year's edition of MST3K.
Crow's still frozen as the episode ends.
Special Notes: With the exception of the theme song, this show contains the first mention of
the Mads. Joel informs the world that the Mads send him the movies, although this contradicts
what he said in the opening segment of episode K05- GAMERA. (In that episode, Joel said that he
"raided the movie library" and found "the original Gamera," giving the impression that he,
Joel, decided what movies they watch.) Servo is back in the theater for this episode; his
absence in episode K05- GAMERA is never explained. Interestingly, Servo sits in Crow's seat
rather than his own.
K07- GAMERA VS. ZIGRA
First shown: 12/31/88 (New Year's Eve).
Opening: Joel and Servo unfreeze Crow, and Servo greets him with his NEW DYNAMIC MIGHTY VOICE!
(See previous show.) Crow isn't pleased at having been frozen.
Host segment 1: J&TB receive their first transmission from the Mads. "Is it true what they say
about space?" they sneer; "No one can hear you laugh?" They invite Joel back to Earth for an
underwater experiment, but Joel politely declines. (This scene is included on the MST3K
Scrapbook tape.)
Host segment 2: Joel is depressed, despite the fact that Gypsy loves him. Cambot plays some
messages from callers to cheer him up, and they do, a little. Gypsy is surprised that many of
the calls are about her. The last call goes too far, however.
Host segment 3: J&TB make their New Year's resolutions. Crow: "I just want world peace, and my
own apartment." They count down the last ten seconds of 1988 before movie sign intervenes.
End: J&TB review the movie. Servo: "I laughed. I cried. I cried a LOT." Joel talks about next
week's film, "Gamera Vs. Guiron."
Special Notes: This episode contains the first appearance of the Mads as speaking characters.
Also, the "countdown to 1989" that the cast performs during the third host segment was real;
this episode first aired on New Year's Eve, and midnight came right around that part of the
show. The footage of Josh Weinstein performing stand-up comedy in host segment 1 came from the
"KTMA Melon Drop," a KTMA-produced New Year's Eve special starring Kevin Murphy (as news
reporter "Bob Bagadonuts") which aired immediately prior to this episode of MST3K.
K08- GAMERA VS. GUIRON
First shown: 1/8/89.
Opening: The Mads are out of bad movies, and must choose between sending the Satellite of Love
"Star Wars" or "Jaws." At the last minute, though, Dr. Erhardt finds another Gamera film. Crow:
"With all my parts, I could've made an excellent vacuum-cleaner. Instead, it's the movies that
suck!"
Host segment 1: Crow gets conked in the head and dreams that he controls the experiment while
the Mads are trapped in space! He sends them "A Planet of the Apes Christmas" again and again
and again...
Host segment 2: Crow tells Joel and Servo about his dream from the previous host segment. Servo
and Crow discuss other dreams they've had, with Servo's being particularly vivid.
Host segment 3: Joel tells the Bots about his dreams. "Sometimes I dream I'm a crane operator.
Other times I'm standing in line for Metallica tickets..."
End:J&TB perform a song about the Satellite of Love. Gypsy really gets into it, and Joel
promises that there won't be any more Gamera films.
Special Notes: This was the first show of 1989, and featured the last Gamera film of the KTMA
series. For the first time ever, J&TB did not listen to any viewer calls. There's also a tiny
continuity error: at the end of episode K07- GAMERA VS. ZIGRA, Joel announced the name of this
week's film; however, everyone seems shocked by the fact that they're doing another Gamera
movie this week!
K09- PHASE IV
First shown: 1/15/89.
Opening: Lacking the $30,000 they need to continue experimenting on Joel, the Mads sell his car
to raise some short-term cash. Joel reveals that he had $30,000 hidden inside it. The Mads,
furious, retaliate by sending him "the ANT movie!"
Host segment 1: Joel instructs Servo and Crow on Isaac Asimov's robotic laws. The Bots don't
like them, and make up some laws of their own. Servo: "Never hollow out a robot and make a fort
out of him."
Host segment 2: J&TB discuss the first thing they plan to do when they get to Earth. (Crow:
"I'm going to kill Sandy Frank." Servo: "Well, that's a given.") Joel wants to turn off his
water, which he accidentally left running.
Host segment 3: The crew of the SoL enjoy a game of "I Spy," which quickly and inexplicably
degenerates into a performance of "Wipeout." Since he's the only one with working arms, Joel
takes the drum solo. Mercifully, movie sign intervenes.
End: Joel programs Crow and Gypsy to recite a new robotic law. It takes a *really* long time to
say, and the credits roll long before they're done.
Special Notes: This episode is the first to feature a non-Gamera movie (except KTMAs 1-3, which
have not yet been found by the fans). A theater clip from this episode was included on the
MST3K Scrapbook tape.
K10- COSMIC PRINCESS
First shown: 1/22/89.
Opening: It's Superbowl Sunday! The Mads show off their "no-d" glasses, which are 3-d glasses
with one lens removed. Dr. Erhardt: "Look, I can only see length!"
Host segment 1: Crow's barbershop is open for business, and Joel is the first customer. They
discuss "that black Carson, Arsenio Hall" and other hot topics of the day. [This segment was
later re-shot in episode 105- THE CORPSE VANISHES.]
Host segment 2: In order to disprove the theory of evolution, Servo teaches himself to fly. He
literally loses his head.
Host segment 3: The Bots help Joel with his taxes. It goes pretty well until Crow and Servo
discover they're being claimed as "business expenses." Crow: "Maybe we should be wearing ties
and demanding maintenance contracts!"
End: The crew of the SoL play a game of football, and Gypsy and Joel duet on "We Are the
Champions." The whole thing degenerates into a tickle fight as the credits roll. A portion of
this scene was included on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.
Special Notes: This episode originally aired on Superbowl Sunday 1989, which explains the first
and final host segment's obsession with football.
During one of the commercial breaks, Trace Beaulieu and Josh Weinstein appeared, as the Mads,
in a commercial for a Twin Cities restaurant entitled Pizza and Pasta, one of MST3K's first
sponsors. The commercial still exists on many fan-copies of this episode.
Servo's head comes off for the first time in this episode (during host segment 2). It appears
to be accidental, but the cast covered it pretty well.
This episode also marks the first time the show used a movie that was actually two TV shows
loosely spliced together. In this case it was two episodes of "Space: 1999." The concept would
later reappear on Comedy Central with the "Master Ninja" episodes and on The Sci-Fi Channel
with the movie "Riding With Death."
K11- HUMANOID WOMEN
First shown: 1/29/89.
Opening: The Mads are shocked to learn that last week's ratings were the highest ever, a
discovery that makes them furious. Dr. F: "What do you expect? We're mad scientists!"
Host segment 1: J&TB enjoy a game of tag, which continues all the way into the theater. [This
segment was later re-shot in episode 105- THE CORPSE VANISHES.]
Host segment 2: Servo falls in love with Joel's new blender, but the courtship turns sour when
Joel drinks from Servo's girl. Undeterred, Servo flirts with the coffeemaker. [This segment was
later recycled, almost word-for-word, in episode 103- MAD MONSTER.]
Host segment 3: In a tribute to Salvador Dali, J&TB practice surrealism. [A similar sketch
re-appeared in episode 107- ROBOT MONSTER.]
End: Servo and Joel discuss the Village People. Servo: "I read one of those 'Where are they
now?' articles. Turns out one of them's a contruction worker, one of them's a police
officer..." The crew ends the show with a "Dating Game"-style goodbye kiss.
Special Notes: In host segment 1, after movie sign is announced, the Bots chase Joel all the
way down the corridor leading into the movie theater. It's a neat visual, and one of the few
times any special effects were used during the doorway sequence. During the ending segment,
Crow discusses what he plans to do in the upcoming week. This segment feels improvised, and
it's one of the few times in MST3K's history in which Trace can't think of anything funny to
say. It's almost painful to hear him bluff his way through. Three of the host segments from
this film were later re-used in Season One shows, making this one of the most heavily-plundered
KTMA episodes.
K12- FUGITIVE ALIEN
First shown: 2/5/89.
Opening: Dr. Forrester is attending a Mad Scientists' Convention in Las Vegas, leaving Erhardt
in charge of the experiment. On the SoL, Joel sings the "Fugitive Alien" theme song, in honor
of today's movie. Servo is less than impressed by Joel's singing.
Host segment 1: Crow is missing, and Joel discovers that Servo and Gypsy have disassembelled
him. Joel is not pleased, and asks them to put Crow back together. Gypsy: "I just hope we can
find his spine!"
Host segment 2: Ever notice how you never see certain celebrities in the same room together,
like Michael Jackson and Diana Ross? Could they be the same person? Joel and Servo debate the
issue.
Host segment 3: Joel hosts a robot dance competition as Gypsy and Servo boogie down to "YMCA."
Servo: "I can't stop the music! I got it in me, Joel!" Servo later pronounces this host segment
"the stupidest thing we've ever done."
End: Joel announces the formation of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan club. Servo thanks
everyone for all the nice "cards and leathers" [sic] they've sent it.
Special Notes: Trace is absent once again; hence, no Dr. Forrester or Crow. This marks Trace's
third absence in only twelve episodes. Joel and Servo watch the movie alone, and once again
Servo sits in Crow's seat (as he did in episode K06- GAMERA VS. GAOS). Although he does not
appear in the episode, Trace is still listed as a writer, puppeteer and "mad scientist" in the
end credits.
K13- SST DEATH FLIGHT
First shown: 2/19/89.
Opening: Dr. Forrester is back from Vegas, and he's brought lots of strange presents for Dr.
Erhardt, including this week's movie. For no particular reason, Joel performs a spit-take.
[Some similar material was used in a segment in episode 105- THE CORPSE VANISHES].
Host segment 1: Joel tries to disprove the theory that robots can't feel physical pain by
administering electrical shocks to Servo. (Servo: "You can fill my head with gummi bears, but I
won't talk!")
Host segment 2: Gypsy has a cold, which makes her voice sexy and seductive. She does a Marilyn
Monroe impression for a very puzzled Joel.
Host segment 3: It's limbo-mania on the Satellite of Love! Joel, Crow and Gypsy participate
while Servo sings "The Banana Boat Song."
End: Servo and Crow read fan mail from "the babes." Servo invites viewers to write in with
their favorite pizza toppings, much to Joel's chagrin.
Special Notes: Portions of the theater segments were included on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.
Also, prior to the opening theme song, there is a "bonus" host segment in which J&TB perform
the "SST Death Flight Theme Song." This episode marks the first time the crew of the SoL read
letters from viewers (as opposed to listening to phone calls).
K14- MIGHTY JACK
First shown: 3/5/89.
Opening: Forrester and Erhardt try to figure out if they're really mad scientists, or just
angry.
Host segment 1: As a practical joke, Servo, Crow and Gypsy weld themselves together. Joel isn't
amused. The Bots dash off-screen, put on women's clothing, then return. (Joel: "I feel like
Benny Hill.")
Host segment 2: The Bots discuss the concept of humor, and wonder if murdering Joel would be
funny.
Host segment 3: After the Bots refuse to play any games with him, Joel gets depressed. (Joel:
"Next time, no free will.") Joel pouts until movie sign rolls around.
End: Crow reads a fan letter praising Servo, after which Joel reads an anti-Servo letter. Servo
reads a fan letter from "Amy, the MAGNIFICENT PAGAN SHE-BEAST," and gets very, very excited as
he does so.
Special Notes: Host segment 2 is exceedingly dark, much more so than the show's usual
lighthearted tone.
One of the fan letters refers to the part of "SST Death Flight" in which Servo says "His eye
needs some air." This line was actually said by Crow, but no one corrects the viewer's error.
Also, during Host segment 1, Joel "accidentally" drops a pencil, then bends down (out of shot)
to pick it up. For a moment, no one is in the frame... then Joel pops back up. This was done
simply so that the editors could cleanly cut the action, allowing the cast to dress the robots
up in women's clothing before resuming the scene.
K15- SUPERDOME
First shown: 3/12/89.
Opening: Servo talks the Mads into bringing the crew of the SoL back down to Earth; naturally,
Crow ruins everything.
Host segment 1: A repeat of host segment 1, from episode K13- SST DEATH FLIGHT, in which Joel
helps Servo experience pain.
Host segment 2: Joel turns into a tyrant, and rules the ship with an iron fist. The Bots
retaliate by quoting lots of old movies. Crow and Gypsy re-enact the ending of "Casablanca,"
though Gypsy has no idea where Paris is.
Host segment 3: A tender montage of Servo's favorite moments aboard the SoL, as Louis
Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" plays underneath.
End: Unknown. (See below.)
Special Notes: This episode appears to be a tip-of-the-hat to "Family Ties" and similar shows,
in which old clips were commonly used as "flashbacks." (See the entry for episode 209- THE
HELLCATS in the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide.) Only one host segment was a true repeat, but
the others were made to look like they were. The framing story: Servo is supposedly writing a
letter to his uncle, describing all the crazy antics of the crew.
Joel smokes a cigarette during the second host segment. This is one of the few times we see a
lit cigarette during the entire history of MST3K.
There are no *complete* fan copies of this episode in circulation; as far as I know, no one
outside the BBI staffers have ever seen the final host segment or the end credits to this show.
If you can provide more information on this or a copy of this episode, please email me by
clicking here.
K16- CITY ON FIRE
First shown: 3/19/89.
Opening: The Mads get a letter informing them that their grant money has been terminated,
because they no longer qualify as mad scientists... merely "mildly peeved researchers."
Host segment 1: Servo and Crow trick Joel into looking into a phony telescope, which leaves him
with a black eye. (This segment appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.)
Host segment 2: Joel invents a new anti-theft device for purses, called "Hell in a Hand Bag."
Joel demonstrates it on Crow, much to Servo's delight. [The "Hell in a Handbag" invention would
later be re-used in episode 103- MAD MONSTER.]
Host segment 3: J&TB perform a military-style song, which seems to have little purpose other
than reminding the Bots how great Joel is. [A portion of this segment appears on the MST3K
Scrapbook tape, and also appeared in the Comedy Central special "This is MST 3K."]
End: Gypsy informs Joel and Crow that she's spent the entire day designing newsletters. Joel
displays Gypsy's creations: the Satellite News, the Fan Club Certificate (suitable for framing)
and the Fan Club Membership Card. Joel points out that they are available by writing to the
MST3K Fan Club.
Special Notes: This film has probably the largest number of recognizable faces of any MST3K
experiment: look for Henry Fonda, Ava Gardner, Shelley Winters, James Franciscus, Leslie
Nielsen, and many others.
A portion of the legendary "Good morning!" theater segment is included on the MST3K Scrapbook
tape, as is the hospital birthing scene.
A commercial advertising Joel Hodgson's stand-up comedy act aired during the original broadcast
of this episode, and still exists in many fan copies.
K17- TIME OF THE APES
First shown: 4/2/89.
Opening: The Mads can't reach Joel... all their transmissions are intercepted by Servo and
Crow. So where's Joel?
Host segment 1: Crow, Gypsy and Servo search for Joel, but find only his uniform. Does that
mean he's floating naked out in space? Sadly, yes. Servo: "Quick! Get the telescope!"
Host segment 2: Realizing that Joel is locked out of the ship, Crow and Servo debate whether
they should let him back in. They discuss several new privilages they'd like to receive as a
reward for doing so, but movie sign intervenes before they actually bother to open the pod bay
doors.
Host segment 3: Cambot fools Crow into thinking that Joel is back on the ship, but it's just a
joke. Things then get pretty surreal, as Servo demonstrates various ways that fantasy can be
made to look real.
End: Joel floats naked outside the Satellite of Love, as Crow and Servo discuss their new
Joel-less life together.
Special Notes: This is the only MST3K episode that does not feature a human character aboard
the Satellite of Love. Joel had to go out of town, so the episode was shot without him;
therefore, Servo and Crow watch the movie alone. (Note that Crow sits in Joel's seat.)
Joel is listed as both "star" and co-writer in the end credits, despite the fact that he did
not appear in or do any writing for this particular episode.
K18- THE MILLION EYES OF SU-MARU
First shown: 5/7/89.
Opening: Joel, who was trapped outside by the Bots in episode 17, gets back inside the ship
with some help from the Mads. Joel is a little upset, and the Bots apologize, sort of.
Host segment 1: Joel disciplines the Bots for locking him out of the ship. Servo and Crow
retaliate by locking up Gypsy.
Host segment 2: J&TB host a game show, though their fact-checking skills appear to be weak.
("Who's buried in Grant's Tomb?" "The Blue Ridge Mountains!")
Host segment 3: MST3K Unplugged! J&TB perform an acoustic version of the show's theme song.
End: Servo's mouth is broken, so Joel moves it for him when he needs to talk. The fan club
address is read, and Joel announces that nearly 900 people have signed up so far.
Special Notes: Servo only watches the first half of the movie with Joel and Crow, opting
instead to "bake muffins." Presumedly Josh had to be somewhere else that day.
Also, the episode never explains how Servo's mouth got broken.
Apart from the show's opening credits, host segment 2 is the last time we see Gypsy in the KTMA
era.
K19- HANGAR 18
First shown: 5/14/89.
Opening: Joel introduces the film, and then it's movie sign! This is one the shortest host
segments ever--right up there with "Waffles!".
Host segment 1: A meteor shower is about to strike the Satellite of Love! Joel explains the
tragic consequences if the hull is punctured and the ship loses its oxygen: "No more Kibbles n'
Bots, and no mid-morning pleasure stimulations!" Crow tells him to lighten up. (This segment
appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.)
Host segment 2: Joel purges Crow's memory, dumping all non-essential rememberences. "Every
PUNKY BREWSTER episode? Dump! The LYLE WAGNER PENILE IMPLANT SHOW? Dump!"
Host segment 3: Joel taps into Crow's brain, and shows him his first memory--the moment when he
was first turned on. In the bit, Joel explains that "CROW" is actually an acronym, which stands
for "Cybernetic Remotely-Operated Woman." Crow, alarmed to discover that he's really female,
begins to panic ("THIRTYSOMETHING is on! I need some chocolate!") until Joel reveals it's all a
joke. (This skit appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.)
End: Joel announces that there are nearly 1,000 members in the fan club now, and the 1,000th
member will win "self satisfaction and a demon dog!"
Special Notes: The first host segment's "meteor shower" plotline is vaguely reminiscent of the
legendary "meteor shower" scene in MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000: THE MOVIE, which was
regrettably cut at Gramercy's insistence.
K20- THE LAST CHASE
First shown: 5/21/89.
Opening: Dr. Forrester succeeds in creating cold fusion... in Dr. Erhardt's mouth! Forrester
whips out his straw and partakes of the juices running from his partner's gaping maw.
Disappointed with the results, they send Joel the movie.
Host segment 1: Crow and Servo receive their weekly humanity lesson from Joel. "Lesson #1:
Always say 'please' and 'thank you,' even if you don't really mean it." Things degenerate from
there.
Host segment 2: The 1,000th fan club member has signed up: Ms. Gidget Howell! Joel reads a nice
letter from her, and demonstrates the proper way to wear the hat she'll receive as a prize.
Host segment 3: Servo reads a fan letter from "Bobby Hodges." The spelling is quite bad,
prompting Joel to quip, "Bobby must be a freshman at the University of Minnesota."
End: Another fan letter, this one comparing MST3K (favorably) to other "kiddie shows" of
by-gone days.
Special Notes: Trace is trying desperately hard not to laugh during the opening host segment;
watching him struggle is at least as entertaining as the skit itself.
After the opening segment's cold fusion experiment, we see the doorway sequence and the start
of the film, without having first seen J&TB. This is the only time (to the best of my
knowledge) in which we see the preliminary theater doorway sequence before we see the crew of
the Satellite of Love.
K21- LEGEND OF THE DINOSAUR
First shown: 5/28/89.
Opening: Taking their cue from the "Paul McCartney is Dead" hoax of the late '60s, the Mads
start a "Joel is Dead" rumor. They make a pretty decent case, quite honestly.
Host segment 1: Joel demonstrates the way special effects can be used to make a person look
really small. A little boy visits the Satellite of Love and shakes Joel like a rag doll.
Host segment 2: J&TB put on a wacky sitcom, complete with laugh track, canned applause, and
groaningly bad jokes. (This clip appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.)
Host segment 3: To prepare the Bots for the film's upcoming dinosaur action scene, Joel shows
off his model lizard, which breathes real fire. The Bots are underwhelmed. (The model would be
re-used as an invention exchange in episode 103- MAD MONSTER.)
End: Summer's coming up, and that means MST3K is going on hiatus! J&TB discuss what they plan
to do until the show starts up again. Servo: "I'm gonna fill my head with cocoa butter and surf
till I drop!"
Special Notes: Host segments 1 and 3 were apparently aired in the wrong order: in host segment
1, Joel refers to their "earlier" segment about the dinosaur... it's pretty obvious he's
referring to host segment 3. Oops.
This was the final KTMA episode, though the last host segment makes it clear that the cast and
crew expected to return to KTMA after a summer break. Fortunately for them (and us), they had a
larger destiny in store for them.
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SEASON ONE: 1989-1990
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Featuring the comments and observations of Chris "Sampo" Cornell.
101- THE CRAWLING EYE
First shown: approx. 11/89.
Opening: None.
Invention exchange: Electric bagpipes, canine anti-perspirant, welcome to Deep 13.
Host segment 1: Heads, you lose.
Host segment 2: Gypsy uncoils.
Host segment 3: The giant eyes have it.
End: Good thing/bad thing, the Mads are happy.
Comments and observations:
In the clips during the opening theme, you can spot Josh's and Jim's head sticking up--it's
during the section where Joel sings "...because he used those special parts..." You can slso
spot the PVC pipe that was used to work Crow in some clips.
There is no opening host segment between the theme song and the first commercial, something
that became institutionalized later.
We get as much information as we're ever going to get about Deep 13 in that first host segment.
Note that there are no buttons on the table: At Movie Sign, Joel just sort of slaps the table!
Movie Sign is a somewhat lifeless affair all the way around...no flashing lights, no camera
shaking, just a buzzer.
In Deep 13, Dr. F. appears to be controlling the camera with some sort of remote control device
that looks like a little satellite antenna. In Season Two, they would create the notion of the
Mole People assisting on camera and such...and then they just stopped worrying about explaining
who was behind the camera.
Tom Servo is built slightly different from later eps--larger shoulder thingies and a larger,
somewhat disturbing, white beak.
Trace is still using his "baby" voice for Crow, like he used in KTMA and which he later slowly
abandoned.
You can see the shadows of the puppeteers on the wall during the second host segment.
Gypsy is as primitive and strange as she will ever be in the second host segment--her mouth
clunks so loudly when she talks that you can barely make out what she's saying. And that whole
comment from Tom about discovering something that "narrows down" what Gypsy's sex is--that's
just odd. Also, her light isn't on. And this is the one and only time Joel removes her
"eye"--something that seems to upset her quite a bit.
According to an informed source, BBI used the KTMA Crow for the theater segments here--all they
did was add an extra floralier tray and clean him up a little.
BBI was using a "thinner" bluescreen level than they would use later--the result is that Crow's
"net" seems to vanish, and you can see some odd gaps between Servo and the theater seats.
Tom Servo is positively immobile in the host segments--though Josh never had the time with
Servo to become as skillful as Kevin later became, this was also due to the more primative
construction of early Servo, which limited his movement.
We get the origin of the "Richard Basehart" running gag in the final host segment.
Tom walks into the theater by himself in the first movie segment--demonstrating that this is
not impossible; he's just lazy!
On the desk is a vase with something Joel calls "vacuflowers." These were supposedly flowers
that Joel had managed to grow on the ship--it's a concept left over from KTMA days, and was the
subject of an early host segment in the KTMA era.
The "electric bagpipes" used in the invention exchange were the first of many props from Joel's
old standup act that would re-appear as inventions.
Favorite riff: "I'm Popeye the sailor man...I've got a guy's head in my hand!"
102- THE ROBOT VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY
with short: "COMMANDO CODY & THE RADAR MEN FROM THE MOON"--EPISODE 1
First shown: approx. 12/89.
Opening: None.
Invention exchange: The airbag helmet, the chalkman, Deep 13's new security system.
Host segment 1: Demon dogs attack; Tom takes them on, and fares poorly.
Host segment 2: Talks with Enoch, the demon dog king, don't go well.
Host segment 3: Crow's attempt to impersonate Enoch also fails.
End: Joel's trick fools the demon dogs...or does it?
Comments and observations:
Again, no opening segment.
Again, the disturbing early Tom Servo design
Again, no buttons on table: table slapping
No Bots are present during invention exchange.
Say what you will about Josh, he was really "inside" Tom Servo; Kevin never used a phrase like
"You can look me in the bubble and say that??" as Josh does here.
The thinner bluescreen level makes Tom Servo look very odd in the theater--kind of elongated.
Tom is also VERY animated in the theater--a stark contrast to his wooden behavior in the host
segments.
The "demon dogs" were made out of a "Masters of the Universe" toy called "Battle bones,"
painted red and black and added with some contruction paper ears.
That is clearly Jim Mallon doing the voice of Enoch, the king and charismatic leader of the dog
people. Unfortunately, it's really hard to make out what he is saying thanks to the incessant
clacking of the puppet's mouth.
Josh makes an odd comment during host segment 2, calling the SOL "the 2525" and telling Cambot
that the SOL's schematics are under "2525" in his files. He appears to have flubbed a line
here, but it's still an odd thing to say.
Watch carefully early in the feature during the flashback of the Aztec ceremony scene, as Joel
covers the irritating singing lady's mouth: Joel clearly has something in his hand--between his
two fingers, as one would hold a cigarette. Was Joel smoking in the theater? Gasp! :-)
Historical note: The demon dog in the theater at the end is the first of many unexpected guests
who would invade the theater over the years.
The "airbag helmet" was another bit from Joel's standup act.
Favorite riff: "We're hitting people!"
103- MAD MONSTER
with short: "COMMANDO CODY & THE RADAR MEN FROM THE MOON"--EPISODE 2
First shown: approx. 12/89.
Opening: None.
Invention exchange: Hell-in-a-handbag, acetylene-powered thunder lizard.
Host segment 1: Tom hits on a blender.
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom have questions about Jedro the werewolf.
Host segment 3: Joel switches Crow and Tom's heads (it's Servo-Crow-ation!).
End: Good thing/bad thing.
Comments and observations:
Again no opening segment.
Again, no buttons: table slapping.
Again, no Bots during invention exchange.
Joel's invention, "hell in a handbag," is straight from his standup as is the Mads' "thunder
lizard."
One of the elements of season one that was later abandoned was noting that a commercial was
coming up during the movie. In this ep, Servo says "He's going to fly into the commercial!" and
then the show breaks for commercial.
Host segment 1 is a first-season classic with Josh doing some of his best puppetry (such as it
is) as Tom Servo puts his best moves on a blender (It's also an almost word-for-word do-over of
a KTMA segment).
Joel calls Servo "Crow" at one point...they both react with irritation.
What is going on with Joel's hair in host segment 2? Looks like a mohawk!
There are a lot of riffs here that clearly were not written ahead of time--this episode has the
improvised feel of a KTMA episode. I think this episode may be the lowpoint of the national
series.
104- WOMEN OF THE PREHISTORIC PLANET
First shown: approx. 12/89.
Opening: Redecorating the SOL.
Invention exchange: Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn, toilet paper in a bottle.
Host segment 1: During "This is Joel's Life," a strange machine appears outside the ship, so
Joel brings it inside.
Host segment 2: It turns out to be the Isaac Asimov's Literary Doomsday Device.
Host segment 3: J&TB try to disarm the device, but it explodes, with horrific consequences.
End: The effects wear off, letters, the winners of the "name the plant guy " contest (see
#110).
Comments and observations:
This episode was actually the last season-one episode taped. Why it has this production number
remains a mystery.
Before it was confirmed in the "Amazing Colossal Episode Guide," fans had long suspected this
was a late season-one entry, partially because it features a number of innovations that would
come later in this season, including an opening segment before the commercial, buttons on the
desk in the SOL, and a Movie Sign that looks much more like the Movie Sign we know.
Another major clue was the references to several LATER episodes--most notably in the closing
segment when Joel announces the WINNERS of a contest that will not be announced until episode
110- Robot Holocaust. Also in that segment, a letter refers to episode 105- The Corpse Vanishes
and episode 109- Project Moonbase.
Tom twice refers to one of the leading men as "Johnny Longtorso," a name that would later be
used in an invention exchange in episode 421- Monster a-Go-Go.
This episode contains the first original song on the national series: the "Clay and Lar's Flesh
Barn" jingle (and I would love to know who that is playing the kazoo during that).
This show features the first speaking role for Mike Nelson (he's the voice of the killer
satellite).
Of course, this episode is where the oft-repeated phrase "Hi-keeba!" came from. Listen up about
an hour into the episode, as Paul Gilbert, as moronic-engineer-comic relief guy Lt. Bradley
(NOT Wendell Corey, as the ACEG incorrectly states) relates a tedious story about his martial
arts training, cries "Hi-keeba! Hah!" and does a pratfall.
Watching this episode, I noticed something sort of interesting. While I understand Best Brains'
decision not to air these episodes anymore, there is a certain specialness about them...a kind
of leisureliness. Not as empty as the KTMAs, nor as hectic as the seasons that would follow,
there is a calm, languidness here that soon departed. Perhaps it would never have succeeded if
it had gone on like that, and it may be that very atmosphere the Brains now repudiate. But it
has its moments.
Oh: this was the first episode I ever saw.
Favorite riff: "Ah, the Samuel Becket method!"
105- THE CORPSE VANISHES
with short: "COMMANDO CODY & THE RADAR MEN FROM THE MOON"--EPISODE 3
First shown: approx. 12/89.
Opening: None.
Invention exchange: Foundation Trilogy gift set for Larry, chiro-gyro, flame throwing flower.
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom are reading "Tiger Bot" magazine.
Host segment 2: J&TB playing tag.
Host segment 3: Joel gets a haircut.
End: Good thing/bad thing (Tom's head explodes).
Comments and observations:
No opening segment after the theme, no Bots present during the invention exchange and possibly
no buttons on the table (although the table is not visible during movie sign).
The "chiro-gyro" and the "flame throwing flower" were props from Joel's standup act.
Servo is slowly evolving into the Servo of later episodes; his weird fat white beak has changed
to the familiar silver one. Note: working Servo arms in first host segment.
The end of the second host segment includes the rather startling sight of Joel running down the
doorway sequence and being run over by Cambot!
The third host segment is another classic moment from season one, a re-think of a sketch
originally done for KTMA. "They're STILL pickin' up clown noses!"
Tom Servo's head blows up for the first time in the final segment.
Favorite riff: "Hey, lady, art exhibit in my nose!"
106- THE CRAWLING HAND
First shown: approx. 12/89.
Opening: Joel explains the premise.
Invention exchange: Safety saw, limb lengthener.
Host segment 1: J&TB bowl, but Crow and Tom don't want to play any more games with Joel.
Host segment 2: J&TB do Shatner with the crawling hand.
Host segment 3: Why is dismembered hand scary?
End: Good thing/bad thing, letter, Larry is very happy.
Comments and observations:
THIS episode, not episode 104, is the REAL first time for the opening segment and the buttons
on the table. Joel explains the show's premise--and he makes a point of gesturing to the
buttons when Deep 13 calls. Still, no Bots are on the set during the invention exchange.
At the end of the second segment we see--for the first time, I believe--Joel pop a grape into
his mouth after tapping the buttons during Movie Sign. Joel would later explain that the point
of the bit was that the Mads were doing a behavior modification thing by rewarding him with a
treat for pushing the button.
While the riffing is pretty good in this one, all three of the host segments were relatively
weak in this episode, particularly segment three, where the arrival of Gypsy in a giant hand
costume is a rather unfunny end to a labored bit.
Joel starts to mention the "vacuflowers" again during the invention exchange.
Favorite riff: "Yeah, well, you're stocky-tubby!"
107- ROBOT MONSTER
with shorts: "COMMANDO CODY & THE RADAR MEN FROM THE MOON"--EPISODES 4 & 5
First shown: approx. 1/90.
Opening: Joel explains the premise.
Invention exchange: Methane whoopee cushion, cumber-bubble-bund.
Host segment 1: Reality vs. Commando Cody (Tom's head explodes--also Crow's and Cambot 's!).
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom play Robot Monster.
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom trying to understand surrealism.
End: J&TB's tribute to Ro-Man baffles the Mads.
Comments and observations:
Joel once again explains the premise in the opening segment; the Bots are present during the
invention exchange for the first time since episode 101.
Josh sneezes in the theater during the first short! Joel expresses some surprise at this, but
Josh covers well. Trace just says "'Zoont!" (Short for "gazuntheit," I guess.)
Servo's head explodes for the second time in the series during the first host segment, while
thinking about bumblebees--followed by Crow and Cambot for the first and only time (I think).
And just what, exactly, ARE "the zacklies"?
Highlight: Joel's riotous narration of the love scene, including Alice Cooper quotes.
Very funny riffing and decent host segments--one of the better episodes of the first season.
Favorite riff: "Okay, now tilt the camera down a little."
108- THE SLIME PEOPLE
with short: "COMMANDO CODY & THE RADAR MEN FROM THE MOON"--EPISODE 6
First shown: approx. 1/90.
Opening: Joel and Tom are sleepy, but Crow is a morning bot.
Invention exchange: Cartoon eyeglasses, screaming cotton candy.
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom take Commando Cody to reality court.
Host segment 2: J&TB discuss how dumb the movie is, and suggest ways to make it better.
Host segment 3: Inspired by the movie, the Bots fill the SOL with smoke.
End: Joel bakes a pie, letter, Mads are thrilled.
Comments and observations:
The first episode without any noticeable innovations. Reasonably good riffs, fairly minimal
"season one"-style host segments.
Joel does the "Love-ly...love-ly" riff for the second time in just a few episodes.
One thing about first season episodes is that they seemed to be following the movie more
closely than they would be in later episodes. At one point in this episode, Servo points out:
"Why are the guys carrying guns? They have no effect on the Slime People! We know that!" It's
hard to imagine that kind of a plot-intensive riff in later seasons.
No Tom Servo in the closing segment!
Favorite riff: "Honestly, Bonnie, the slime you bring home."
109- PROJECT MOONBASE
with shorts: "COMMANDO CODY & THE RADAR MEN FROM THE MOON"--EPISODES 7 & 8
First shown: approx. 1/90.
Opening: Crow and Tom have had a bath.
Invention exchange: Juggling water, insect-a-sketch.
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom are playing "Commando Cody & the Moonman."
Host segment 2: Neckties of the future.
Host segment 3: SPACOM!
End: Crow and Tom are upside down reading letters.
Comments and observations:
Just before Movie Sign, the camera in Deep 13 pulls back, a move that is accompanied by a
lovely mechanical noise.
One of the few songs ever performed in the theater is a highlight of this ep: J&TB singing the
lovely lyrics to the Commando Cody theme song.
It's interesting (to me, anyway) to compare "Project Moonbase" in which a sinister nation is
worried about America's pre-eminence in space, and "Rocket Attack USA," (shown in season two)
in which a worried America frets about a sinister nation's pre-eminence in space.
The word "hexfield" pops up in an odd spot in the second host segment.
There's a very funny bit in the theater with Joel and the cue cards, as Dr. Bellows does his
little speech about gravity.
This ep also features the VERY first use of the riff "By this time my lungs were aching for
air."
An example of how casual things were back then: There's a lovely closeup of Crow's hand during
"mail call" and nobody has bothered to fix the chipped-off paint on his hand.
Favorite riff: "You're over by a metric ton!"
110- ROBOT HOLOCAUST
with short: "COMMANDO CODY & THE RADAR MEN FROM THE MOON"--EPISODE 9 (partial)
First shown: approx. 1/90.
Opening: Joel sings the Human Blues.
Invention exchange: Nitro burning funny pipe, stocking mask of the future.
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom, in the "We Zone," make Joel do tricks.
Host segment 2: Cambot's sitcom simulator malfunctions.
Host segment 3: J&TB play Robot Holocaust, but Crow and Joel aren't having fun.
End: Brainstorm: Name the plant guy in the movie contest, letter.
Comments and observations:
First of all, WHAT is that thing connected to Crow's jaw? Okay, I know what it is--it's a very
thick piece of twine--but sheesh! It's very distracting. And he seems to be clacking a lot this
episode.
The whole "the film broke" thing serves as our farewell to the Cody series. I assume they
discovered the feature was JUST a few minutes too short, and they needed a portion of the short
to fill the remaining time. In the ACEG, Kevin also says they sick of "Radar Men" by this
point. Personally, it's very unsatisfying, though: I was actually wondering what would happen
next! Couldn't we have had another two minutes of Commando Cody rather than watch the entire
credit sequence of the feature?
It's clear that Best Brains thinks this is one of the better episodes of season one; it was the
one they chose to show at the first Conventio-con in 1994.
I do enjoy Joel's Crazy Duck Face, but it's too bad we don't get to see "Snow storm in China,"
which reportedly is a stunning magic trick involving lots of confetti.
Take note of Tom Servo's comment as they leave the theater at the end of the movie--"Hey Joel,
you gotta come carry me over this heating grid." That's one of two times where we have the "on
camera" explanation why Joel must carry Tom in the theater.
Favorite riff: "Hey!!! It's GREAAT!!"
111- MOON ZERO TWO
First shown: approx. 1/90.
Opening: Joel explains the premise.
Invention exchange: Teleporting food, celebrity mouth to mouth toothpaste.
Host segment 1: The "history of men on the moon" pagent.
Host segment 2: Games of the future (like Moonopoly).
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom fight over women in the movie, in zero gravity.
End: Good thing/bad thing, letter.
Comments and observations:
Crow still has that twine on his chin; they would later use black string to control Crow's
mouth--a vast improvement.
The Bots are uncharacteristically silent during the opening segment and the invention exchange.
Joel says something curious as the invention exchange begins: "Try not to look so happy, you
guys." One of the interesting things about the concept in the first season is that Joel never
really seemed to be that upset about being stranded in space. It was only in later seasons that
his character seemed to become more unhappy.
This movie has, I think, the third reference in this series to a movie called "Yards of
Leather." Obviously, they're referring to an adult movie, but I'd love to know if it really
exists or is a figment of the Brains' imagination.
Favorite riff: "Fourth floor: Tyrannical tycoons, loose women."
112- UNTAMED YOUTH
First shown: 2/6/90.
Opening: Tom has a tape-worm.
Invention exchange: Never-light pipe, tongue puppets.
Host segment 1: Tribute to Greg Brady.
Host segment 2: What Gypsy thinks.
Host segment 3: Gypsy's sick, and Tom is no help.
End: Understanding the goofy guy from the movie, letters.
Comments and observations:
Crow still has the chin twine.
I never believed the stories about Joel being stoned on camera, but, I gotta say, in the first
host segment, Joel *appears* to be utterly wasted (he also looks like he had a *very* bad shave
that morning). He also almost falls over as the segment starts (though, to be fair, there was
only a very small platform behind the desk for the host to stand on--the rest was an open
trench where the puppetteers stood--and it would be very easy for even a completely sober
person to accidentally misstep and almost fall).
Very funny riffing in this episode and an extremely watchable movie (if you know what I mean)
make this probably the best episode of season one.
The movie also marks a departure: It's the first non-horror/sci-fi movie of the national
series. In fact, all the movies in Season One except this one would fit easily within the
restrictions Sci-Fi Channel would later impose.
Gypsy enters the theater for the first time: Joel calls her into the theater to produce cotton
in response to Tom Servo's query about what real cotton feels like.
Gypsy's lips fall off during segmemt 3.
While we're used to Joel stumbling over his lines, in the last half hour in the theater, Trace
probably does his worst line flub ever with "Hey, it's Grg-brg-grg-brg-Greg Brady!" Typically,
they left it in.
With this episode the MST3K "Fan Club" becomes the "Information Club" in the end-of-show
announcement.
Favorite riff: "Cotton gin and tonic."
113- THE BLACK SCORPION
First shown: 2/13/90.
Opening: A party.
Invention exchange: Giant party favor, the Mads have mutated.
Host segment 1: Kind of a tribute to Mexico.
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom discuss human nature while Gypsy becomes a scorpion.
Host segment 3: The Bots' puppet show; stop-motion animation.
End: Letters.
Comments and observations:
Crow's last appearance with his chin twine.
Josh's make up in this show is remarkable! Quite a job.
The first segment starts slow and goes nowhere...hoo-boy! Anybody who thinks the Sci-Fi
Channel-era host segments were the worst ever should take a look at this one! Yikes!
In the ACEG, Mike apologizes for the use of a peeing sound effect in episode 102. But he fails
to mention the applause sound effect used every time Ramos is introduced in this ep, which is
also clearly edited in...it sounds exactly the same each time. And how Crow and Servo are
supposed to be applauding is beyond me.
Gypsy's tail falls off in host segment 2.
Crow's Bing Crosby sounds a LOT like his Dean Martin--and vice versa.
This episode includes one of my all-time favorite Joel riffs: "Remember that bad thing we saw?
It looked just like this. This is bad."
At the end of the closing segment, Josh simply says "Bye!" and walks off the set. And he is
never seen again.
Weinstein gets short-shrift by many and this is only partially deserved, in my view. Looking
back, Weinstein was (and is) clearly a gifted young man with a sense of humor and style well
beyond his years. He certainly held his own in many ways with co-stars many years his senior.
And Weinstein deserves credit for one other achievement--it was Weinstein that spotted
struggling comedian Michael J. Nelson and suggested he be hired.
Favorite riff: "Mrs. Butterworth! Help!"
Thanks to Jack Theakston for some additional info.
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SEASON TWO: 1990-1991
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201- ROCKETSHIP X-M
First shown: 9/22/90
Opening: New look for the SOL; Crow has a toothache
Invention exchange: Tom's new voice, introducing TV's Frank, the BGC-19
Host segment 1: Salute to the reporters of Rocketship X-M
Host segment 2: Zero gravity humor lesson
Host segment 3: "What's your dream?"; Valeria from "Robot Holocaust" on the Hexfield
End: J&TB disapprove of the movie, letter, Frank learns to push the button
202- THE SIDEHACKERS
First shown: 9/29/90
Opening: Wash day on the SOL
Invention exchange: Joel's pet slinky, Dr. F.'s slinky body
Host segment 1: Song: "Sidehackin'"
Host segment 2: Terminology for the sport of sidehacking
Host segment 3: J&TB have Rommel hats; JC and Gooch on the Hexfield
End: Song: "Only Love Pads the Film," letters, Frank "will" push the button
203- JUNGLE GODDESS
with short: "THE PHANTOM CREEPS"--EPISODE 1
First shown: 10/6/90
Opening: J&TB are playing hide and seek with the universe
Invention exchange: Radio controlled circular saw, Dr. F.'s head is fused to a sax
Host segment 1: The "Bela's OK Discoveries" infomercial
Host segment 2: Binocular matte ("Gobos") lesson
Host segment 3: Two White Devils on the Hexfield
End: "My White Goddess," letters, Frank mimicks Dr. F.
204- CATALINA CAPER
First shown: 10/13/90
Opening: The bots say their prayers
Invention exchange: Tank tops, tickle bazooka
Host segment 1: Joel vapor-locks as he remembers the '60s
Host segment 2: Song: "Creepy Girl"
Host segment 3: TV's Frank has a Tupperware party
End: Charting the film, letter
205- ROCKET ATTACK USA
with short: "THE PHANTOM CREEPS"-- EPISODE 2
First shown: 10/27/90
Opening: Tom gets "haircut"
Invention exchange: Candy adding machine, water-polo foosball
Host segment 1: The Charlie McCarthey hearings
Host segment 2: Nuclear quiz show
Host segment 3: Joel's Russian counterpart on the Hexfield.
End: J&TB upset about the movie, letter, the Mads are happy
Stinger: "Help me!"
206- THE RING OF TERROR
with short: "THE PHANTOM CREEPS"--EPISODE 3
First shown: 11/3/90
Opening: The bots trick Joel
Invention exchange: Life-size "Operation" game, pin-bolus
Host segment 1: The Old School
Host segment 2: Autopsy of Mr. Hoover
Host segment 3: Good thing/bad thing; the Mads send a short!
End: Blindsided by the short; Song: "If Chauffeur's Ruled the World"
Stinger: "Weird. I guess that is the word for it. Weird."
207- WILD REBELS
First shown: 11/17/90
Opening: Gypsy is depressed, so Joel shuts down the SOL
Invention exchange: Gypsy is feeling better; hobby hogs, 3-D pizza
Host segment 1: Intellectual bikers
Host segment 2: Wild Rebels cereal commercial
Host segment 3: Joel serenades Gypsy
End: J&TB party, letter, Dr. F. is baffled (and Frank is no help)
Stinger: None
208- LOST CONTINENT
First shown: 11/24/90
Opening: Coach Joel gives a locker room pep talk
Invention exchange: Exercise machines
Host segment 1: Hugh Beaumont on the Hexfield
Host segment 2: "The Explorers" sketch bogs down
Host segment 3: J&TB see The Cool Thing
End: Analyzing the movie, letter
Stinger: "Well, thanks for straightening the whole thing out..."
209- THE HELLCATS
First shown: 12/8/90
Opening: J&TB have colds.
Invention exchange: Sign language translator, "NOOOO!"
Host segment 1: Tom's flashback: J&TB do Shatner with the crawling hand (from #106)
Host segment 2: Crow's flashback: Zero gravity humor lesson (from #201)
Host segment 3: Joel's flashback: Binocular matte lesson (from #203)
End: Gypsy's diary entry, letter, all get emotional (even the Mads)
Stinger: Trumpeter makes unintelligible comment and is dunked
210- KING DINOSAUR
with short: "X MARKS THE SPOT"
First shown: 12/22/90
Opening: Beat poetry.
Invention exchange: Crushed Dr. F. is the pocket scientist, incredibly stinky sweat socks
Host segment 1: Crow asks "Am I qualified?"
Host segment 2: Joey the lemur
Host segment 3: The "Emotional Scientist" sketch collapses
End: Robert Lippert's movies, the theramin, letter
Stinger: Gator wrestling aftermath
211- FIRST SPACESHIP ON VENUS
First shown: 12/29/90
Opening: Adjusting Servo's sarcasm sequencer
Invention exchange: Junk drawers
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom make a robot that speaks in foam
Host segment 2: Tom soothes a gorilla on the Hexfield
Host segment 3: Klack commercial
End: Discussing the film (Tom's head explodes), letters & Dr. F. is sick
Stinger: Alphabet people wave good-bye
212- GODZILLA VS. MEGALON
First shown: 1/19/91
Opening: J&TB host a morning magazine show
Invention exchange: Easy-to-make Halloween costumes
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom describe their monsters
Host segment 2: "Rex Dart, Eskimo Spy"
Host segment 3: Dysfunctional popcorn commercial
End: Joel gives Crow and Tom new arms, the Jet Jaguar fight song is translated, the Mads are
playing video games
Stinger: Godzilla takes the plunge
213- GODZILLA VS. THE SEA MONSTER
First shown: 2/2/91
Opening: Joel reads the Velveteen Rabbit and does all the voices
Invention exchange: Mind controlled guitar, doggie chew toy guitars
Host segment 1: Song: "The Godzilla Genealogy Bop"
Host segment 2: Joel succumbs to space madness
Host segment 3: Despite Joel's warning, Crow and Tom spoof the Mothra twins, only to meet
Mothra on the Hexfield!
End: Famous sayings actors didn't say, some "Cool Thing contest " entries, the Mads consider a
corporate re-think
Stinger: Everyone bows down before Mothra!
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SEASON THREE: 1991-1992
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks to SirSTACK for filling in the missing airdates!
301- CAVE DWELLERS
First shown: 6/1/91
Opening: J&TB consider new names
Invention exchange: Smoking jacket, robotic arm wrestling
Host segment 1: Reenacting the half-screen slo-mo credits
Host segment 2: Giving extraordinary names to ordinary things
Host segment 3: Foley demontration by Joel
End: J&TB rail against the movie, the Mads are delighted
Stinger: "Thong! The fish is ready!"
302- GAMERA
First shown: 6/8/91
Opening: Tom leads warmup exercises
Invention exchange: Endless salad bar, bird cage vacuum
Host segment 1: Song: "Tibby"
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom hate Kenny but Joel suggests a positive outlook
Host segment 3: The bots are playing beauty salon when Gamera visits on the Hexfield
End: Another look at the cast of the film, letter
Stinger: Eskimo says: "Bye..."
303- POD PEOPLE
First shown: 6/15/91
Opening: A reading from Crow's one man show
Invention exchange: Monster chord, public domain karoke machine
Host segment 1: J&TB record "Idiot Control Now" and it stinks!
Host segment 2: New Age music from Some Guys in Space
Host segment 3: "You are magic, aren't you, Trumpy?!"
End: Song: "Will There Still Be a Clown in the Sky?"
Stinger: "It stinks!"
304- GAMERA VS. BARUGON
First shown: 6/22/91
Opening: The bots argue the relative merits of computer interfaces
Invention exchange: Soda can animation, disco cumber-bubble-bund
Host segment 1: 5000-piece fightin' men & monster set
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom are midwestern monster women having dinner
Host segment 3: Joel reminisces about movies & big name celebrities
End: Stories from behind the scenes of monster movies, letter
Stinger: Opal guy goes nutzoid
305- STRANDED IN SPACE
First shown: 6/29/91
Opening: Joel enjoys a shooting gallery
Invention exchange: Variations of the "BANG" gun
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom fight over their trading cards
Host segment 2: While baking cookies, J&TB discuss "Ward E"
Host segment 3: Joel is a TV movie villian, the bots are his henchmen
End: Trying to sell the movie, letter, the Mads are TV movie villians
Stinger: Stryker gets struck!
306- TIME OF THE APES
First shown: 7/13/91
Opening: It's baseball season on the SOL!
Invention exchange: Cellulite phone, miracle baby growth formula
Host segment 1: Why doesn't Johnny care?
Host segment 2: "Inherit the Wind" revisited
Host segment 3: Ape fashion minute
End: The Sandy Frank song, letter, Baby pushes the button
Stinger: "Johnny, you be careful." "I don't care!"
307- DADDY-O
with short: "ALPHABET ANTICS"
First shown: 7/20/91
Opening: Marketing mad dogs around the water cooler
Invention exchange: Alien teething nook, air freshener mobile
Host segment 1: Song: "Hike Your Pants Up"
Host segment 2: Drag race reenactment
Host segment 3: Joel attempts a spit-take lesson, but the dumb guy from the movie keeps
appearing on the Hexfield
End: "Want some?" (slap, bam, thump), letter & the button doesn't work
Stinger: "Couldn't help ya if I wanted to, fella. Gym policy."
308- GAMERA VS. GAOS
First shown: 7/27/91
Opening: Raspy voices
Invention exchange: Self image printers, fax tissue dispenser
Host segment 1: Joel offers an arts and crafts project, Crow and Tom are no help
Host segment 2: The "Gameradamerung" never gets off the ground
Host segment 3: Ed Sullivan presents "Gaos the Great"
End: Other ways to snuff Gaos
Stinger: Comic relief guys get scared
309- THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN
First shown: 8/3/91
Opening: Crow and Tom are in their fort
Invention exchange: A plant that reviews music, non-permanent tattoos
Host segment 1: Nice things to say to Glen's fiancee
Host segment 2: Joel agonizes about being a 50-foot man
Host segment 3: The bots wonder what they'd ask Glen, then he visits
End: What Glen could've done, letters, giving Frank the giant hypo
Stinger: Glen laughing 'til it hurts
310- FUGITIVE ALIEN
First shown: 8/17/91
Opening: Old Joel Robinson had a farm?
Invention exchange: Eye, ear, nose & throat dropper, musical chair and Jack Perkins!
Host segment 1: J&TB stage a hat party
Host segment 2: Joel forces Crow and Tom to reenact a scene from the movie
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom are confused, so Joel helps out with a screenplay model
End: Joel's buttons, letter, torturing Jack Perkins
Stinger: "AHAHAHAHA....you're STUCK HERE!"
311- IT CONQUERED THE WORLD
with short: "SNOW THRILLS"
First shown: 8/24/91
Opening: Ventriloquism
Invention exchange: Hanged man costumes, the "Sony Seaman"
Host segment 1: Tom narrates "The Winter Cavalcade of Fun"
Host segment 2: Sarcastic banter over dinner
Host segment 3: J&TB sing of celebrity siblings with the same last names
End: J&TB rewatch Peter Graves' speech, letters, the Mads are watching it too
Stinger: "He learned too late that a man is a feeling creature..."
312- GAMERA VS. GUIRON
First shown: 9/7/91
Opening: School lunch time
Invention exchange: Racy rorschachs, collapsible trashcan
Host segment 1: J&TB sing The Gamera song (English)
Host segment 2: Sawing a robot in half
Host segment 3: Child star Richard Burton
End: Gamera song again (fake Japanese) & Michael Feinstein in Deep 13
Stinger: "What a monster!"
313- EARTH VS. THE SPIDER
with short: "USING YOUR VOICE"
First shown: 9/14/91
Opening: "Inside The Robot Mind"
Invention exchange: Cheese phone, CD blow drier
Host segment 1: J&TB read through Crow's screenplay, "Earth vs. Soup"
Host segment 2: Rehearsal of Spidorr the rock group brings a visit from the custodian of 7th
galaxy on the Hexfield
Host segment 3: J&TB discuss dangerous toys
End: Crow and Tom report on Bert I. Gordon, Frank's sick
Stinger: Lip and tongue action, of a sort
314- MIGHTY JACK
First shown: 9/21/91
Opening: Disaster on the SOL!
Invention exchange: Formal flippers, ear-shaped earmuffs
Host segment 1: Mighty Jack pet food commercial
Host segment 2: The bots put Joel in the blinding light compartment
Host segment 3: Underwater movie ideas
End: Song: "Slow the Plot Down!," Frank's a pirate
Stinger: He died as he lived...loving his work
315- TEENAGE CAVEMAN
with shorts: "AQUATIC WIZARDS" and "CATCHING TROUBLE"
First shown: 11/9/91
Opening: Very boring day on the SOL
Invention exchange: Rainy day epicacs, the Mads are fighting
Host segment 1: "Catching Ross"
Host segment 2: Mads still fighting
Host segment 3: Examining the pendulum of human development
End: Mimicking the film's end, letter, Mads patching things up
Stinger: Teenage Caveman conks his head
316- GAMERA VS. ZIGRA
First shown: 10/19/91
Opening: Root beer party for the last Gamera film
Invention exchange: Three Stooges guns, Crow-ka-bob
Host segment 1: Scale model of Gamera
Host segment 2: Shoe box dioramas
Host segment 3: Football talk, then Kenny and Helen visit on the Hexfield
End: Different ways to sing the Gamera song
Stinger: An excerpt from "Fish Argument Theater"
317- VIKING WOMEN VS. THE SEA SERPENT
with short: "THE HOME ECONOMICS STORY"
First shown: 10/26/91
Opening: Consider the lowly waffle
Invention exchange: Meat re-animator, an iron that turns waffles into pancakes
Host segment 1: Joel has reprogrammed the bots to love waffles and asks them to suggest new
uses for waffles
Host segment 2: Joel says: "Waffles!"
Host segment 3: Willy the Waffle defends waffles
End: The Waffle song, "re-animating" Frank
Stinger: "But you don't understand! I'm a PRINCE!"
318- STAR FORCE-FUGITIVE ALIEN II
First shown: 11/16/91
Opening: The nature of puppets and their symbiotic relationship to man
Invention exchange: Big noses, the big head
Host segment 1: Tom Servo's dead!
Host segment 2: Captain Joe action figure commercial
Host segment 3: Song: "The Fugitive Alien medley"
End: Designing the ultimate evil person, letters, Frank embarrassing Dr. F.
Stinger: Ken says: "Captain, I've got it fixed. It's all working again."
319- WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST
with short: "MR. B. NATURAL"
First shown: 11/30/91
Opening: Mexfood combos
Invention exchange: Breakfast bazooka, between-meal mortar
Host segment 1: Mr. B. Natural: man or woman?
Host segment 2: J&TB are singing the Big Head song when Glen revisits
Host segment 3: KTLA presents...your future!
End: Drowsy from movie, letters with Glen and Frank shot at again
Stinger: Mr. B, what would YOU know about dignity?
320- THE UNEARTHLY
with shorts: "POSTURE PALS" and "APPRECIATING OUR PARENTS"
First shown: 12/14/91
Opening: Making a funny home video
Invention exchange: Hard pills to swallow, celebrity products
Host segment 1: "Appreciating Gypsy"
Host segment 2: The many faces of Tor Johnson
Host segment 3: Combination of games based on the movie
End: Dead End Kids lingo, letter, and Dr. F does his Dead End Kid
Stinger: "Time for go to bed!"
321- SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS
First shown: 12/21/91
Opening: Crow and Tom are looking at Christmas catalogs
Invention exchange: Wish squisher, misfit toys
Host segment 1: Song: "A Patrick Swayze Christmas"
Host segment 2: J&TB look over tapes of cheesy Christmas specials
Host segment 3: J&TB read their Christmas essays
End: "Angels We Have Heard Are High," stocking time, letter, Mads exchange gifts
Stinger: Bad martian's derisive laughter
322- MASTER NINJA I
First shown: 1/11/92
Opening: The bots build a model car
Invention exchange: Boil-in-a-bag IVs, pop-up books for adults
Host segment 1: Crow presents "The Van Patten Project"
Host segment 2: Master Ninja's many theme songs
Host segment 3: Other kinds of num-chuks
End: Song: "Master Ninja Theme Song!", letter, Frank turns the tables on Dr. F.
Stinger: "To them it's some kind of ritual."
323- THE CASTLE OF FU-MANCHU
First shown: 1/18/92
Opening: The SOL's Teen Club
Invention exchange: The bots offer an extremely useful telephone transducer chip, while all
Joel has is the big head (again), the Joe Besser "Stinky" Bomb
Host segment 1: Crow decries "The Miss Saigon Syndrome," J&TB become distraught, the Mads are
pleased
Host segment 2: The Shriner Flying Carpet sketch collapses into weeping; delighted, the Mads
order out
Host segment 3: The bots are inconsolable, Joel tries to cheer them up with the story of
Fu-Manchu, but the pain becomes too much. The Mads celebrate
End: J&TB are utterly beaten, the Mads toast their victory and are so cocky they try to riff
the film themselves! Gotcha!
Stinger: Monkey pile on the castle guard!
324- MASTER NINJA II
First shown: 1/25/92
Opening: J&TB are an Improv group
Invention exchange: Conveyer belt buffet, perpetual hamster habitat
Host segment 1: The bots design their own custom vans
Host segment 2: General Timothy Van Patten
Host segment 3: Tom pairs detectives with their appropriate pets
End: The Van Cleef dress-up doll, letter, Frank pleads for the return of "The Second Hundred
Years"
Stinger: Lee with hamster
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEASON FOUR: 1992-1993
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
401- SPACE TRAVELERS
First shown: 6/6/92
Opening: "The Great Crowdini!"
Invention exchange: The dollaroid, facial tissue
Host segment 1: Space race advancements
Host segment 2: Reenacting the movie so Crow can do his killer Peck
Host segment 3: J&TB wonder: If one of them had to sacrifice themselves...
End: Magic fun, letters
Stinger: Hackman, demonstrating that he's good in anything
402- THE GIANT GILA MONSTER
First shown: 6/13/92
Opening: Crow and Tom are the Thing with Two Heads
Invention exchange: Sitcom radio, Renaissance festival punching bags
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom disrupt Joel's soda shop sketch
Host segment 2: Different types of funny drunks
Host segment 3: "Servo on Cinema" looks at Ray Kellogg's "Leg Up" directorial style
End: Hee-La the rock group rehearses, letters (including one from TV's Frank!)
Stinger: Old guy gags on sody pop
403- CITY LIMITS
First shown: 6/20/92
Opening: Joel says "ping-pong balls," then wishes he hadn't
Invention exchange: Mr. meat & potato head, pop star Tupperware, featuring Morrisey
Host segment 1: Song: "Oh, Kim Catrell!"
Host segment 2: The Fantastic 85
Host segment 3: More super-heroes
End: Playing the City Limits trivia game, letters, the Mads have had enough of Morrisey
Stinger: Tiny radio controlled death from on high
404- TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE
First shown: 6/27/92
Opening: Joel uses behavior modification to prevent a recurrence of the "NBC Mystery Movie" gag
Invention exchange: Scratch and sniff report card, resusci-Annie ventriloquist doll
Host segment 1: Reel to real
Host segment 2: J&TB recreate a pre-movie no-littering short
Host segment 3: A really boss-looking space ship visits
End: Duct tape fashion statements, letters, Dr. F. dines with a friend
Stinger: "When we return to our planet, the high court may well sentence you to TORTURE!!"
405- BEING FROM ANOTHER PLANET
First shown: 7/4/92
Opening: J&TB playing movie slogan 20 questions
Invention exchange: Tragic moments figurines, Jack Palance impersonation kit
Host segment 1: Bill Mumy tribute
Host segment 2: Playing haunted house with Joel
Host segment 3: Holoclown fun on the Hexfield
End: TV's Frank shopping network, letter, the "die-master"
Stinger: The heartbreak of extraterrestrial psoriasis
406- ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES
with short: "UNDERSEA KINGDOM"--EPISODE 1
First shown: 7/18/92
Opening: Shutting off the holo-clowns
Invention exchange: Patches the leech, insty-adolescence kit
Host segment 1: Taking over the world and what you'd wear to do it
Host segment 2: Talking about dreams over coffee
Host segment 3: Song: "Danger to Myself And Others"
End: Understanding the leeches, letter, Patches has been on Frank too long
Stinger: Billy gets into it.
407- THE KILLER SHREWS
with short: "JUNIOR RODEO DAREDEVILS"
First shown: 7/25/92
Opening: Joel has presents
Invention exchange: The Mads prepare to destroy Earth, but are stopped by Jim Henson's Edgar
Winter Babies
Host segment 1: Joel vapor-locks while trying to do Will Rogers
Host segment 2: While presenting the Killer Shrews game, the bots snap
Host segment 3: J&TB concoct the Killer Shrew drink
End: The shrewbots attack scientist Joel, letter, Frank isn't feeling good
Stinger: "Any unusual experiment can produce unusual results."
408- HERCULES UNCHAINED
First shown: 8/1/92
Opening: Wash and wax day for the bots
Invention exchange: Decorator roaches (Steve Reeves visits!), the Steve-o-meter
Host segment 1: Gypsy is the Helenistic ideal
Host segment 2: The water of forgetfulness, etc.
Host segment 3: What are Hercules and the nice lady doing?
End: The meaning of the Hercules movies
Stinger: The queen recalls Herc
409- THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MAN
with short: "UNDERSEA KINGDOM"--EPISODE 2
First shown: 8/15/92
Opening: Something's different about the bots (and Magic Voice)
Invention exchange: Mads' secret invention, cereal novels
Host segment 1: The Undersea Kingdom parade goes awry
Host segment 2: "What would you do if you were indestructible?"
Host segment 3: Joel does the Lon Chaney "eye thing," the bots are no help
End: J&TB sign the "no cop/donut joke" pledge, cops in Deep 13
Stinger: Indestructible man struggles with a manhole cover
410- HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN
First shown: 8/22/92
Opening: Crow and Tom run away (briefly)
Invention exchange: DEEP HURTING!, super freak-out kit
Host segment 1: The amazing BOOBY trap illusion
Host segment 2: Newly muscular Crow and Tom consider tough guy names
Host segment 3: Song: "Pants!"
End: Wayne Rogers syndrome, letters
Stinger: Old guy gets skewered
411- THE MAGIC SWORD
First shown: 8/29/92
Opening: Joel is a caricature artist
Invention exchange: Big gulp berets, designer bio-hazard absorbent throw pillows
Host segment 1: Rathbones dog biscuits
Host segment 2: J&TB don medieval costumes, but Tom ruins things
Host segment 3: Song: "Estelle"
End: Words you can't say on TV, letter, TV's Frank's not looking good
Stinger: Estelle's two-headed assistant
412- HERCULES AND THE CAPTIVE WOMEN
First shown: 9/12/92
Opening: Gypsy wants to watch the movie and Joel agrees
Invention exchange: The lawn baby, the womb-mate
Host segment 1: "Good-natured" brawling
Host segment 2: Crow's "history" of Hercules
Host segment 3: The bots' lame Hercules action figure
End: Laying the Hercules movies to rest, letter, Frank being chased by mower
Stinger: "Hercules! Help me!"
413- MANHUNT IN SPACE
with short: "GENERAL HOSPITAL"--SEGMENT 1
First shown: 9/19/92
Opening: Tom Servo is color blind!
Invention exchange: Beanbag pants, recycled paper clothing
Host segment 1: Ths bots are playing soap opera, but Joel won't play
Host segment 2: Space modifiers
Host segment 3: A visit from Winkie on the Hexfield
End: Crow is Joel's guitar, Tom is the amp, letter, the Mads are stuck in their bean bag chairs
Stinger: Space traitor tosses a chair
414- TORMENTED
First shown: 9/26/92
Opening: The bots hide in a ventilation duct
Invention exchange: Aunt Catherine wheel, drinking jacket
Host segment 1: Joel is stuck in ventilation duct, Crow and Tom are no help
Host segment 2: Throwing pop singers from a lighthouse
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom pretend to be headless ghosts but Joel has the last laugh
End: J&TB are depressed so they think happy thoughts, and does Frank
Stinger: "Tom Stewart killed me!"
415- THE BEATNIKS
with short: "GENERAL HOSPITAL" --SEGMENT 2
First shown: 11/26/92
Opening: A uncharacteristicly mean Joel dominates the bots in a game of rock-paper-scissors
Invention exchange: Troll costumes, pocket pool
Host segment 1: Either you are or aren't a beatnik
Host segment 2: The bots' slumber party gets a call from Tony Travis!
Host segment 3: Servo stars in a dramatization of the life of a 50s rock star
End: Crow and Tom go nuts, letter, Mads are a "hot" property
Stinger: Moon gets hysterical
416- FIRE MAIDENS OF OUTER SPACE
First shown: 11/26/92
Opening: During a posture check, Timmy the dark Crow appears!
Invention exchange: Big checkbook, junk food sports shoe
Host segment 1: Double entendres
Host segment 2: Joel explains universal switches, but Timmy interferes
Host segment 3: Joel defeats Timmy in a battle to the death
End: Lessons learned, letter, Timmy in Deep 13
Stinger: It's a secret passage miracle!
417- CRASH OF THE MOONS
with short: "GENERAL HOSPITAL"--SEGMENT 3
First shown: 11/28/92
Opening: Crow is selling true grit
Invention exchange: Sugary Deep 13 toothpaste, rock & wreck guitar
Host segment 1: Song: "The Gypsy Moons"
Host segment 2: John Banner-grams
Host segment 3: J&TB read through Crow's latest screenplay: a space opera
End: Letter, John Banner visits on the Hexfield; then the SOL sends Deep 13 a Banner-gram
Stinger: "Boopie!"
418- ATTACK OF THE THE EYE CREATURES
First shown: 12/5/92
Opening: Crow and Tom quickly go through their "best friends" stage
Invention exchange: Router Ouija board, funny gag fax
Host segment 1: Tom wants to make out (but he doesn't how)
Host segment 2: Tribute to Earl Holliman!
Host segment 3: The Rip Taylor Trio!
End: The case against the film-makers (they just didn't care!); Larry Buchanan visits Deep 13
Stinger: Greasy drifter in sweater dress on the phone
419- THE REBEL SET
with short: "JOHNNY AT THE FAIR"
First shown: 12/12/92
Opening: Joel has something really scary to read to the bots at bedtime
Invention exchange: Quick primp kit, abstract paint-by-number kit
Host segment 1: "Co-starring with Scott Baio" acting lessons
Host segment 2: What to do during a four-hour layover in Chicago
Host segment 3: Writing workshop using the Merritt Stone method
End: "Who is Merritt Stone?" (Tom's head explodes), Frank hopelessly confused
Stinger: "I am bugged!"
420- THE HUMAN DUPLICATORS
First shown: 12/26/92
Opening: The bots have suggestions for ways they could be improved.
Invention exchange: The Mads have the sillies, beanie chopper, the William Conrad fridge alert
Host segment 1: Craft project: spaceships made from household items
Host segment 2: Tom Servo duplicates himself--many times over!
Host segment 3: A grumpy Hugh Beaumont revisits on the Hexfield
End: Coming out of the robot closet, William Conrad shows up
Stinger: Duplicates cracking up as they choke each other
421- MONSTER A-GO-GO
with short: "CIRCUS ON ICE"
First shown: 1/9/93
Opening: America is leaning on cheese!
Invention exchange: Action figure contest: Johnny Longtorso, non-violent action figures
Host segment 1: Gypsy "doesn't get" Crow (or is it Tom?)
Host segment 2: Joel and Servo play keep away from Crow
Host segment 3: Examining "The Pina Colada Song"
End: Joel knights Happy King Servo and Sir Giggles von Laffsalot Crow
Stinger: Monster on the go-go
422- THE DAY THE EARTH FROZE
with short: "HERE COMES THE CIRCUS"
First shown: 1/16/93
Opening: Family picture time on the SOL
Invention exchange: Snack-tion, unhappy meals
Host segment 1: The bots have some ideas for clown acts
Host segment 2: So, what's a sampo?
Host segment 3: Gypsy's one-woman show: "Gypsy Rose...Me!"
End: The bots are imprisoned wind, letter
Stinger: "What's going to happen to us now!"
423- BRIDE OF THE MONSTER
with short: "HIRED!"--PART 1
First shown: 1/23/93
Opening: Joel gets to see what Crow is dreaming...and soon regrets it
Invention exchange: The tough love seat, microwave Faith Popcorn
Host segment 1: "Hired!" the musical
Host segment 2: From the lame octopus to food monsters ("huh?")
Host segment 3: Willy the Waffle returns to defend advertising
End: Cambot re-edits the ending of the movie, letter, the Mads are playing Bela and Tor
Stinger: Bela has looked better
424- MANOS, THE HANDS OF FATE
with short: "HIRED!"--PART 2
First shown: 1/30/93
Opening: Joel programs the bots to agree with everything he says
Invention exchange: Chocolate bunny guillotine, the cartuner
Host segment 1: Gypsy's big scene is ruined, Frank apologizes
Host segment 2: Why Torgo is a monster
Host segment 3: Joel dons a Manos cape, Dr. F. apologizes
End: The bots reenact the lady wrestling scene, Torgo's pizza arrives
Stinger: "Why don't you guys leave us alone?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEASON FIVE: 1993-1994
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
501- WARRIOR OF THE LOST WORLD
First shown: 7/24/93
Opening: Crow disrupts Servo's formal welcome
Invention exchange: The square master, bittersweet hearts
Host segment 1: Hot slot bots!
Host segment 2: Trying to get a post-apocalyptic driving permit
Host segment 3: Things to do after the apocalypse
End: Phone call from Megaweapon, letter, the Mads enjoy an active lifestyle
Stinger: The Paper Chase Guy checkin' out the babe
502- HERCULES
First shown: 7/17/93
Opening: Casual day on the SOL
Invention exchange: Cellular desk, instant karma
Host segment 1: Constellations for the '90s
Host segment 2: Wondering about a '70s rock band
Host segment 3: Crow does the 'Match Game' by himself
End: The botsdiscuss Amazons, then some visit on the Hexfield, Frank is still at the desk
Stinger: "He's like something out of a bad dream!"
503- SWAMP DIAMONDS
with short: "WHAT TO DO ON A DATE"
First shown: 7/31/93
Opening: The bots are obsessed with the 'Spock in love' "Star Trek" episode
Invention exchange: U-view, Andrew Lloyd Webber grill
Host segment 1: Tom wants to date Gypsy
Host segment 2: He calls Gypsy to ask for a date
Host segment 3: They go out on a date, briefly
End: Tom thought the date went well, Gypsy dumps him, letter, Frank is watching himself
Stinger: "Ssssssssshut up!"
504- SECRET AGENT SUPER DRAGON
First shown: 8/7/93
Opening: Crow and Tom build an annoying robot
Invention exchange: Virtual comedy, micro-golf
Host segment 1: The jazzy "Secret Agent Super Dragon" theme
Host segment 2: J&TB read through Crow's latest screenplay: "The Spy Who Hugged Me"
Host segment 3: J&TB discuss spy movie post-kill puns
End: Dr. F.'s super-villain conference call
Stinger: Jumping the Super Dragon, with xylophone accompaniment
505- MAGIC VOYAGE OF SINBAD
First shown: 8/14/93
Opening: The SOL-tie awards
Invention exchange: Chin-der wear, rat pack chess set
Host segment 1: Meeting of the Junior Jester Club
Host segment 2: The bearded town council debates the Sinbad problem
Host segment 3: Crow's lifelong quest thingy goes awry
End: The bots are amazed by Joel's channel cat puppet, letter, Frank meets Mr. Fistie
Stinger: Laughing horse
506- EEGAH!
First shown: 8/28/93
Opening: Deep frozen Crow
Invention exchange: Pork-orina, replacing Frank's blood
Host segment 1: Subtle forms of hell
Host segment 2: The bots alter Joel's face to look like Arch Hall Jr.
Host segment 3: Why '60s sitcoms are run by single dads
End: Washing the movie off the bots, letter, Frank's fluid change
Stinger: "Fake it." "That's what I've BEEN doing. Now I'm getting sick!"
507- I ACCUSE MY PARENTS
with short: "THE TRUCK FARMER"
First shown: 9/4/93
Opening: Tom Servo is naked!
Invention exchange: Cake 'n' shake, junk drawer organizer
Host segment 1: Joel analyzes the bots' art therapy projects
Host segment 2: J&TB reenact the night club scene from the movie
Host segment 3: J&TB analyze troubled Jimmy from the movie
End: J&TB reenact the cafe scene from movie, letter, digging out Rodney
Stinger: "What? What's so funny?"
508- OPERATION DOUBLE 007
First shown: 9/11/93
Opening: Tom is enjoying Joel's home movies, which scares Crow
Invention exchange: Lederhosen-hosen, Sara the bobbin' buzzard
Host segment 1: Joel's is a evil supervillian!..."I know!"
Host segment 2: The Sean & Neal show: parallel lives
Host segment 3: Joel tries to hypnotize Tom, Torgo returns
End: Dr. F. uses his magnetizer
Stinger: "Thunderball" pushes the button
509- GIRL IN LOVER'S LANE
First shown: 9/18/93
Opening: Bot bellybuttons
Invention exchange: Evil baseball promotions, "Don Martins"
Host segment 1: Song: "What a Pleasant Journey"
Host segment 2: Tbe bots want to reenact the pool hall scene
Host segment 3: Crow Elam
End: Furious about the ending of the movie, the bots devise new endings, letters, Frank devises
endings too
Stinger: "Are you waiting for a bus?"
510- THE PAINTED HILLS
with short: "BODY CARE & GROOMING"
First shown: 9/26/93
Opening: Crow is Jay Leno, complete with chin
Invention exchange: Cholester-do all, back-talk
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom debate the messy woman in the short
Host segment 2: Reports on bearded guys include Crow's paper on Rutherford B. Hayes
Host segment 3: Crow is crushed into an ingot
End: Discussing the Lassie's culpability, Dr. F. tries to revive Frank
Stinger: Naughty girl goes into the shower
511- GUNSLINGER
First shown: 10/9/93
Opening: "Blowing" up Tom's head
Invention exchange: The scanner planner, new whiffle items
Host segment 1: Funeral talk
Host segment 2: The Gypsy Express
Host segment 3: Tom demonstrates quantum linear super-position
End: The '70s: A pretty foul decade, deep fried letter, Dr. F. scans Frank!
Stinger: "What about our clothes?"
512- MITCHELL
First shown: 10/23/93
Opening: Joel's toothpicky creation
Invention exchange: Daktari stool; the Mads are being audited, so they've hired a temp by the
name of Mike
Host segment 1: Gypsy overhears the Mads plotting Mike's death and thinks they're talking about
Joel
Host segment 2: A worried Gypsy tries to think of a way to get Joel off the SOL; Crow and Tom
are no help
Host segment 3: Mike learns of a hidden escape pod, and gives Gypsy control
End: Joel is ejected into the escape pod, leaving behind a plaque and a final word; Dr. F. is
furious...until Mike presents his time card.
Stinger: "Your lying through your teeth!" "Buzz off!" "No, you buzz off!" "I SAID BUZZ OFF,
KID!"
513- THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE
First shown: 10/30/93
Opening: Mike's been in training
Invention exchange: The gutter-bumber-shoot, the dream buster
Host segment 1: Mike tries to get control of the SOL, but that's not cheese!
Host segment 2: Designing hats for Jan in the pan
Host segment 3: The movie's hateful message; Mike shares an embarrassing moment from his past
End: A visit from Jan on the Hexfield; Dr. F. is inspired!
Stinger: "Who's to tell me to blow if I don't want to?"
514- TEEN-AGE STRANGLER
with short: "IS THIS LOVE?"
First shown: 11/7/93
Opening: Mike tries to phone his grandma
Invention exchange: Frank-n-forcer, waiter-baiter
Host segment 1: What is love?
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom want to rumble, but Mike intervenes
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom have a gadget that will make Mike act like Mikey
End: Song: "I'm a Janitor;" Dr. F. cleans up after Frank
Stinger: "And he didn't steal no bike neither...I did!"
515- WILD, WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN
with short: "CHEATING"
First shown: 11/13/93
Opening: The game is blackjack
Invention exchange: Atomic powered hair dryer, razor-back
Host segment 1: There are unanswered questions about the short, so Mike assigns essays
Host segment 2: The bots write essays, but Crow cheats!
Host segment 3: Mike, Tom & Gypsy meet to decide what to do about Crow
End: Crow responds to the charges against him, letter, Dr. F. likes his new atomic hair style
Stinger: A batgirl puts the bite on the wormy guy
516- ALIEN FROM L.A.
First shown: 11/20/93
Opening: Boot camp at Fort SOL
Invention exchange: Vend-a-gut, fridge udders
Host segment 1: Who's that supermodel?
Host segment 2: Song: "My Wild Irish Ireland"
Host segment 3: The "guess Kathy's emotions" game
End: Nothing more to say about the movie, letter, Frank loses count
Stinger: "Yuck!"
517- BEGINNING OF THE END
First shown: 11/25/93
Opening: Wrong number
Invention exchange: Re-comfy bike, new playing cards
Host segment 1: Mike calls the Mads and catches them off guard
Host segment 2: Crow's latest screenplay: "Peter Graves Goes to the University of Minnesota"
Host segment 3: Tom's standup routine is heavy on grasshopper jokes
End: "No grasshoppers before this film," post-card, Bert I. Gordon special effects, Mads are
boxing
Stinger: "Alright, men. Into the woods!"
518- THE ATOMIC BRAIN
with short: "WHAT ABOUT JUVENILE DELINQUENCY"
First shown: 12/4/93
Opening: Final dress rehearsal for "Love Letters"
Invention exchange: The Mads, Crow and Tom Servo
Host segment 1: Tom is Weather Servo 9
Host segment 2: Mike demonstrates chin puppetry
Host segment 3: Magic Voice chats with the film's voice-over guy
End: Crow is Hank Kimball--The Fugitive, letters, "Dr." Frank meets Dr. Fist
Stinger: Spanish for "AAAAAAAH!"
519- OUTLAW
First shown: 12/11/93
Opening: M&TB are roughhousing
Invention exchange: Really real time machine, Fabio kit
Host segment 1: Memories of Mike's acting career
Host segment 2: Song: "Tubular Boobular Joy"
Host segment 3: M&TB read relevant passages from "Palance on Palance"
End: Buffalo shots!, the Mads dance through the years
Stinger: "Get out of here, you disGUSting WOORRRRRM!"
520- RADAR SECRET SERVICE
with short: "LAST CLEAR CHANCE"
First shown: 12/18/93
Opening: Mike performs Crow's maintenance checkup, but has no idea what he's doing
Invention exchange: Mike's escape plan, Hypno-helio-static-stasis
Host segment 1: Trooper Tom presents: "Why Don't They Look?"
Host segment 2: The bots simulate Mike's 10-year high school reunion
Host segment 3: Mike and Crow build the Quinn Martin Nature Preserve
End: The Mads are beaten by Ecstato-euphoro-fun
Stinger: Hysterical maid
521- SANTA CLAUS
First shown: 12/24/93
Opening: A caroling attempt ends in disaster
Intro: Inappropriate gifts are exchanged
Host segment 1: Rock band Santa Klaws performs
Host segment 2: The bots arrange a Nelson family reunion
Host segment 3: An all-inclusive politically correct holiday song: "Merry Christmas...If That's
Okay"
End: On the SOL, it's a snow day! In Deep 13, Pitch and Santa fight it out
Stinger: Laughing mechanical reindeer
522- TEEN-AGE CRIME WAVE
First shown: 1/15/94
Opening: Another escape attempt
Intro: Mace mousse, the escape plan fails
Host segment 1: The golden age of the "doughy guy"
Host segment 2: The first deli in space
Host segment 3: Mystos!
End: Tom delivers some letters; Frank is "Doughy Man" but Dr. F. sprays him again, again, and
again
Stinger: "TURN IT OFF!"
523- VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS
First shown: 1/22/94
Opening: Quarterly workout
Intro: Dr. F. downsizes TV's Frank!
Host segment 1: Checking up on Frank, Dr. F. interviews Torgo
Host segment 2: M&TB sign a card for Frank, then interview him
Host segment 3: Song: "The Greatest Frank"
End: A letter to Frank, Torgo is fired!
Stinger: Tribute to Frank Zappa
524- 12 TO THE MOON
with short: "DESIGN FOR DREAMING"
First shown: 2/5/94
Opening: Gypsy's tea party
Intro: Frank roasts Dr. F., Tom has a tennis tantrum
Host segment 1: Nuveena pops in
Host segment 2: M&TB prepare to leave with Nuveena
Host segment 3: Nuveena makes Crow and Tom into the appliances, Mike disapproves, so she pops
out
End: Letters, Nuveena pops into and out of Deep 13
Stinger: "Ahh, ridiculous!"
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SEASON SIX: 1994-1995
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601- GIRLS TOWN
First shown: 7/16/94
Opening: Preparing for Dr. F.'s big announcement
Intro: Dr. F. unveils the Umbilicus
Host segment 1: Tom "scats" until Mike and Crow have had enough
Host segment 2: Mike explains the "honor system"
Host segment 3: Designing the woman of the future
End: M&TB make good use of the Umbilicus
Stinger: "You tell that boy to go home right now, or I'll call the police!"
602- INVASION U.S.A.
with short: "A DATE WITH YOUR FAMILY"
First shown: 7/23/94
Opening: Mike tries to build a robot
Intro: Dr. F. or a wire mother?
Host segment 1: A date with M&TB
Host segment 2: Tom tricks Crow into a Lois Lane discussion
Host segment 3: A visit from "A. Bomb" on the Hexfield
End: Tom thinks it's all a dream, letter, Frank is on patrol!
Stinger: Couple stare as a paper boy cries out: "Extra! Paper! America invaded! Read all about
it!"
603- THE DEAD TALK BACK
with short: "THE SELLING WIZARD"
First shown: 7/30/94
Opening: Gypsy's fire drill.
Intro: Dr. F. tries pin-point cigarette marketing
Host segment 1: Radio talk show: "The Dead Talk Back"
Host segment 2: M&TB are "The Dead"
Host segment 3: Dr. F.'s interrogation session, Frank confesses, and Crow continues his guitar
solo
End: Crow is still playing, Tom is acting up, Gypsy starts another fire drill, Mike reads a
letter, Dr. F. practices his archery skills
Stinger: Woman screams after seeing dead body
604- ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE
First shown: 11/24/94
Opening: Crow and Tom are Secret Service agents protecting Mike
Intro: The Mads are into voodoo, so they send a voodoo kit to the SOL
Host segment 1: Crow is reading when Tom runs him down!
Host segment 2: Mike, Crow and Tom enjoy a hot tub
Host segment 3: Crow abandoned his "Batman" screenplay, but neglected to tell Tom and Mike
End: Letters for Adam West, Frank turns Dr. F. into a zombie!
Stinger: Voodoo priestess finishes incantation and zombie screams
Special note: This episode was held from TV while it made the rounds of many college campuses
during the fall of '94 as part of Comedy Central's "Fresh Cheese" tour. It was finally shown on
Turkey Day '94.
605- COLOSSUS AND THE HEADHUNTERS
First shown: 8/20/94
Opening: Tom does Crow's taxes
Intro: Dr. F. invents Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter, the world's most adorable pet, and sends it
to M&TB, much to Frank's dismay
Host segment 1: Song: "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter"
Host segment 2: Nummy's fur is everywhere
Host segment 3: Nummy is sick, Frank is sick, so Mike sends Nummy back to Deep 13
End: "What does it feel like to get you head chopped off?", letters, the Mads have been caught
by their own creation
Stinger: Guy gets shot by arrow
606- THE CREEPING TERROR
First shown: 9/17/94
Opening: Tom is a security guard
Intro: Laundry day in Deep 13, Dr. F. makes the bots pretentious poseurs
Host segment 1: Crow makes a flag for the SOL
Host segment 2: M&TB stick it to "Love American Style"
Host segment 3: Mike sets up his stereo system
End: Crow and Tom want Gypsy to swallow them, letters, Dr. F. "presses" Frank about the laundry
Stinger: "My God! What is it?"
607- BLOODLUST
with short: "UNCLE JIM'S DAIRY FARM"
First shown: 9/3/94
Opening: Tom is Crow's therapist
Intro: Dr. F. redecorates Deep 13 for his mother's visit, but she's more pleased to see Frank
Host segment 1: Crow's veg'able stand gets run over by Servo's car!
Host segment 2: Square dancing
Host segment 3: Crow ruins Mystery Murder Dinner Theater
End: The bots think Mike is hunting them, letters, Dr. F.'s mom and Frank go out on the town
Stinger: Guy gets an arrow in the stomach
608- CODE NAME: DIAMOND HEAD
with short: "A DAY AT THE FAIR"
First shown: 10/1/94
Opening: M&TB are living in their own filth
Intro: The Mads obsess over cleanliness, cleaning up the SOL
Host segment 1: The bots thinks Mike is too nice, then they see what it would be like if Mike
wasn't nice
Host segment 2: Then they are shown what it would be like to live with a Crash Test Dummy
Host segment 3: And finally, they are shown what it would like to live with the Frugal Gourmet
End: Luau on the SOL, Tom hulas a letter, the Mads are still obsessing
Stinger: "Aaaahhh! Johnny! Down there!"
609- THE SKY DIVERS
with short: "WHY STUDY THE INDUSTRIAL ARTS?"
First shown: 8/27/94
Opening: Tom's planetarium show is disrupted
Intro: Swing choir competition
Host segment 1: Shop class isn't going well
Host segment 2: Crow puts himself in a "double jock lock"
Host segment 3: Tom bombs Crow
End: Crow and Tom struggle in their parachutes, letter, Frank dodges ball
Stinger: "I don't know. I feel real free up there in the high blue sky."
610- THE VIOLENT YEARS
with short: "YOUNG MAN'S FANCY"
First shown: 10/8/94
Opening: Servo's new head!
Intro: The Mads unveil their theme music, "Living in Deep 13", and demand themes from M&TB. Tom
is ready!
Host segment 1: A radio station called Frank?
Host segment 2: Tom reenacts a tearful scene from "A Star is Born"
Host segment 3: A rehearsal for Crow's one man show about Keanu Reeves starring Mike!
End: Mike and Crow reenact the gas station hold-up scene from the movie, letter, turn your
crank to Frank!
Stinger: "So what?"
611- LAST OF THE WILD HORSES
First shown: 10/15/94
Opening: Mike programs Crow and Tom with regional speech patterns
Intro: Dr. F. sends a matter transference device to the SOL during an ion storm. It's
"Mirror-Mirror" time!
Host segment 1: The Mirror-Mads sing "Joey the Lemur." In our universe, Crow and Mike struggle
with Mirror-Servo
Host segment 2: Mike and Crow plot strategy, while Mirror-Gypsy and Mirror-Servo do likewise
Host segment 3: Mike and Crow consult The Alternate Universe Manual. In the mirror universe,
Mirror-Crow attacks Mirror-Mike while Tom and Gypsy plot strategy
End: M&TB figure out what happened, the Mirror-Mads stop by while a letter is read, the Mads
are enjoying their new agony booth
Stinger: Wheelchair Dad laughs
612- THE STARFIGHTERS
First shown: 10/29/94
Opening: Crow tries to log onto the information super-highway
Intro: Cranial ports; Cowboy Mike's bold barbecue sauce
Host segment 1: While he and Tom reenact the refueling scene, Crow misses a call
Host segment 2: The bots "debrief" Mike
Host segment 3: The United Servo Academy Men's Chorus performs
End: Crow finally logs onto the information super-highway, letter, the Mads are sharing their
thoughts
Stinger: Lady elbows hubby
613- THE SINISTER URGE
with short: "KEEPING CLEAN AND NEAT"
First shown: 11/5/94
Opening: Gypsy gets a shower
Intro: Dr. F. begins to worry about the missing Frank
Host segment 1: Frank gives the SOL a taste of what he's planning
Host segment 2: Checking Frank's background for clues
Host segment 3: All looks bleak until Mike remembers Frank's weakness
End: Dr. F. stops Frank's plan, letter, Deep Fried Frank!
Stinger: "Dirk? No that can't be Dirk...uh, uh...no...that's not Dirk...no."
614- SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL
First shown: 11/19/94
Opening: A political debate on politics
Intro: The Mads are construction workers, M&TB do the old board routine
Host segment 1: It's Urkel! Hahahahaha!
Host segment 2: It's still Urkel! Hahahahaha!
Host segment 3: More Urkel hilarity until Torgo has his say
End: Comments on the movie, letters, Dr. F.'s ears
Stinger: "My job, my way."
615- KITTEN WITH A WHIP
First shown: 11/23/94
Opening: Preparing Crow for a secret mission
Intro: Crow's mission to Deep 13 ends in failure
Host segment 1: Mike gives Crow and Tom bionic noises
Host segment 2: A kitten with a whip visits on the Hexfield
Host segment 3: Mike hazes himself
End: Mexican festival with a Dr. F. piņata, letter, Dr. F. has a Frank piņata
Stinger: "I'll be a celebrity! And so will you!"
616- RACKET GIRLS
with short: "ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE"
First shown: 11/26/94
Opening: Lisa Loeb visits on the Hexfield...briefly
Intro: Security problems in Deep 13
Host segment 1: Crow wants to marry Tom, so they take a Cosmo quiz
Host segment 2: Crow's bachelor party
Host segment 3: The wedding ends in chaos
End: Too much wrestling, letters, Lisa Loeb gets into Deep 13
Stinger: SNAP! "It's gone!" "Where'd it go?"
617- THE SWORD AND THE DRAGON
First shown: 12/3/94
Opening: Playing D&D
Intro: For the Mads' new neighbors from Deep 12, M&TB present topical comedy show:
"Supercalifragilisticexpeali-wacky!"
Host segment 1: "A joke by Ingmar Bergman"
Host segment 2: M&TB reenact the table cloth making scene
Host segment 3: Ilya Murametz visits on the Hexfield
End: Gypsy's review of the musical, The Mads are full of themselves!
Stinger: The wind demon takes a dive
618- HIGH SCHOOL BIG SHOT
with short: "OUT OF THIS WORLD"
First shown: 12/10/94
Opening: Mike has a headache
Intro: Frank clones a dinosaur, Crow mixes a potion that makes Tom Servo huge!
Host segment 1: "Specialty breads"
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom don't know what is wrong
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom fail to break into Gypsy's diary
End: Mike reads a letter while the bots reenact the end of the movie, Dr. F. gives the dino
something to chew on!
Stinger: "A million bucks!"
619- RED ZONE CUBA
with short: "SPEECH: PLATFORM POSTURE AND APPEARANCE"
First shown: 12/17/94
Opening: Tonight's lotto numbers
Intro: Frank owes the mob $50 large, but they stomp Dr. F. instead; M&TB hit the casino
Host segment 1: Frank exhorts the nearly-dead Dr. F.
Host segment 2: Mike is Carol Channing; Dr. F. gets "hope you die" wishes
Host segment 3: Dr. F. lives, dies, and lives again, but the mob says otherwise
End: M&TB sing a happy, upbeat song, Dr. F. is feeling better
Stinger: Blind lady playing piano
620- DANGER! DEATH RAY
First shown: 1/7/95
Opening: Crow has contact lenses
Intro: Frank is a talent agent
Host segment 1: Servo builds a death ray for peaceful purposes, but can't resist using it on
Crow
Host segment 2: "This is your life, Mike Nelson"
Host segment 3: Crow's designs for sunglasses seem a bit woman-ey
End: Cambot gets emotional, Frank has a glamour shot
Stinger: Dropping watch into swimming pool
621- THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS
with shorts: "MONEY TALKS!" & "PROGRESS ISLAND, U.S.A."
First shown: 1/21/95
Opening: Wallpapering the SOL
Intro: "Proposition Deep 13," vs. candidate Mike Nelson
Host segment 1: A visit from some party animals
Host segment 2: So, is it 11:30?
Host segment 3: Crow offers a plea for film anti-preservation, but Mike disapproves
End: Mike's victory speech, letters, Dr. F.'s concession speech
Stinger: The beast is pissed
622- ANGELS' REVENGE
First shown: 3/11/95
Opening: Crow thinks that he has amnesia
Intro: Desperate for ratings, Dr. F. turns M&TB into the cast of "Renegade"
Host segment 1: Crow latest screenplay is a "black-sploitation" film
Host segment 2: Mike does his Fonz, Crow and Tom disapprove
Host segment 3: Aaron Spelling's house passes by
End: The shame-o-meter, the Mads are Bobby Riggs and Billy-Jean King
Stinger: "Shine your love!"
623- THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN
with short: "THE DAYS OF OUR YEARS"
First shown: 3/18/95
Opening: Crow is Tom's science project
Intro: At Auntie McFrank's bed and breakfast, Dr. F. demands that M&TB provide some "local
color"--and soon regrets it
Host segment 1: Crow learns about "gentle pressure," but doesn't practice it
Host segment 2: Frank misses out on "Squanto"
Host segment 3: Mike gets caught playing Rick Wakeman
End: Answering the film's question, transparent letter, tea time in Deep 13
Stinger: Petting the invisible guinea pig
624- SAMSON VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN
First shown: 3/25/95
Opening: A moment of silence
Intro: Almost everyone enjoys some Chinese food
Host segment 1: While playing Stratego, Crow gets a message
Host segment 2: Torgo the White arrives to take Frank to Second Banana Heaven
Host segment 3: Song: "Who will I kill?"
End: The 'Bots read their letters to Frank, who visits Dr. F. and pushes the button one last
time
Stinger: "Chief, I saw two corpses in the garden."
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SEASON SEVEN: 1995-1996
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701(TD)- NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST
with short: "ONCE UPON A HONEYMOON"
First shown: 11/23/95
Opening: Happy Thanksgiving! Did you see the game?
Intro: Dr. F.'s party continues with Pearl providing the movie
Host segment 1: "Stuffing vs. Potatoes"
Host segment 2: "Art" and Pearl chat
Host segment 3: Thanksgiving dinner on the SOL and in Deep 13
End: Pearl's "Turkey surprise" is a hit in Deep 13
Stinger: "Wounded animal that large isn't good"
Special note: This episode was only shown twice: once during the 1995 Turkey Day marathon and
again a few weeks later (apparently in error). The episode below had the same theater segments
but different host segments.
701- NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST
with short: "ONCE UPON A HONEYMOON"
First shown: 2/3/96
Opening: Crow and Tom are concerned about their personal security
Intro: Dr. F. has a traumatic trombone recital, but Crow shines
Host segment 1: Decorating with phones
Host segment 2: Pearl makes Dr. F. to apologize
Host segment 3: Crow is pregnant with shrimp babies
End: Crow's rant about babies disrupts Mike's attempts to read letters; Pearl wants Dr . F. to
act like a baby
Stinger: "Wounded animal that large isn't good"
702- THE BRUTE MAN
with short: "THE CHICKEN OF TOMORROW"
First shown: 2/10/96
Opening: Tom is getting into real estate
Intro: Pearl is going out and puts Crow in charge!
Host segment 1: Tom is inside an egg
Host segment 2: Mike calls his old girlfriend to ask her to help him escape
Host segment 3: Crow wants Mike and Tom to sing "Hang down your head, Tom Dewey"
End: Letters, Tom is not a good landlord, and Dr. F. turns Pearl's date into a chicken of
tomorrow
Stinger: "Creeper, Creeper, Creeper! YOU give me the creeps!"
703- DEATHSTALKER AND THE WARRIORS FROM HELL
First shown: 2/17/96
Opening: Crow has new hair--and calf and hinder implants
Intro: Pearl is sick, and M&TB make things worse as a fast food restaurant
Host segment 1: The bots put on a Ren Fest for Mike
Host segment 2: Mike just can't get enough of the Ren Fest
Host segment 3: Crow reads a trashy romance novel to a medicated Pearl
End: Letter, Servo forges the "One Ring," and Dr. F. goes Hitchcocky
Stinger: "Potatoes are what we eat"
704- THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN
First shown: 2/24/96
Opening: Playing a little hardball.
Intro: Crow's "Earth vs. Soup" screenplay is being made into a movie, with Dr. F. and Pearl in
charge
Host segment 1: A script conference goes nowhere
Host segment 2: Crow shoots his movie
Host segment 3: Dr. F. leads a focus group
End: Crow learns the fate of his movie
Stinger: "Let's get the hell out of here!"
705- ESCAPE 2000
First shown: 3/2/96
Opening: Crow's charity auction
Intro: Crow starts a fire on the SOL, Dr. F. puts his mother in a "home"
Host segment 1: Mike helps Crow try bio-feedback, a fire starts
Host segment 2: Men's night on the SOL
Host segment 3: Dr. F. has a plan to boost ratings: Timmy Bobby Rusty
End: Letter, Servo arrives by helicopter, and Toblerone visits Deep 13
Stinger: "PTOO!" "HA, HA, HA!" sez Toblerone
706- LASERBLAST
First shown: 5/18/96
Opening: With Mike tied up, Crow and Tom present the "Thunderdome" joke
Intro: Dr. F.'s funding has been cut, so he cuts the SOL loose! But Tom gets the thrusters
working
Host segment 1: The SOL picks up Monad, an annoying robot
Host segment 2: The SOL hits a field of star babies--and one of them needs changing!
Host segment 3: With the SOL heading toward a black hole, Mike undergoes a terrifying but
useful transformation!
End: The SOL reaches the edge of the universe and its inhabitants become beings of pure energy!
Meanwhile, Dr. F. becomes unstuck in time, has a revelation and is reborn
Stinger: "Faaar out!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000: THE MOVIE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
M01- THIS ISLAND EARTH
First shown: 4/19/96
Intro: Dr. F. explains the premise
Opening: Mike's begins his day, but what's that rythmic pounding?
Host segment 1: After the film breaks, Crow and Tom goad Mike into piloting the SOL--with
disastrous results!
Host segment 2: Mike and Crow check out the interociter in Tom's room, but the Metalunan they
contact is no help
End: Dr. F. is sure Mike's will has been broken, but on the SOL its party time--with a "THIS
ISLAND EARTH" theme. Dr. F.'s attempt to poop the party backfires. Aaaahhhh!
Stinger: No stinger, but Mike, Crow and Tom return to riff their own credits!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SEASON EIGHT: 1997
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
801- REVENGE OF THE CREATURE
First shown: 2/1/97
Opening: Mike, Tom and Gypsy return to the SOL. They find Crow already there, but he seems
different. As they are about to crash into Earth, Mike saves the ship but cripples it. They
contact the planet, and it's NOT Dr. Forrester who responds!
Intro: After a good scream, Prof. Bobo and Dr. Peanut explain just what's been happening on
Earth lately. Bobo sends a bad movie because it's "Ape Law"
Host segment 1: Servo tries to repair the SOL's engines with a little help from the nanites.
Crow still seems different
Host segment 2: An irate Phil the alien demands to speak to Servo
Host segment 3: Crow may be different, but he makes a great espresso
End: The bots make an embarrasing discovery about the love lives of Mike's descendants. Then
they learn who The Lawgiver is
Stinger: John Agar swims softly and carries a big stick
802- THE LEECH WOMAN
First shown: 2/8/97
Opening: Crow deals with the SOL's prairie dog problem
Intro: The Apes discover that devolution can be fun!
Host segment 1: The nanites are on strike!
Host segment 2: Pearl is forced to give some laws, and asks M&TB for suggestions--and Tom has
some!
Host segment 3: The bots plan to get Mike's pineal juices
End: Tom's "Beverly Hillbillies" sketch ends in chaos, but the Apes are oh-so-civilized again
Stinger: The wiley cop outwits his suspect
803- THE MOLE PEOPLE
First shown: 2/15/97
Opening: Crow's goofy eyes make him a "space child"
Intro: The space child is overthrown. While Bobo suffers through the 32nd Annual Lawgiver Daze,
Tom offers baked goods and Crow takes a fall
Host segment 1: Mike tries an imitation of the goofy professor. It brings everyone
down...down...down....
Host segment 2: Tom tries--and fails--to sing a ballad about what he's been up to
Host segment 3: Crow the archeologist, searching for evidence of a previous him, has a
breakthrough
End: Crow believes there's life beneath the floorboards...and he's right Meanwhile in Deep Ape,
The Lawgiver is presented with a hunky gift
Stinger: "The Load" hits the wall
804- THE DEADLY MANTIS
First shown: 2/22/97
Intro: Tom sets the rules for "Business Casual Day"
Opening: The apes fix their mutant neighbors' thermonuclear device; an alarmed Pearl
skeedaddles
Host segment 1: The rumors of Pearl's death are greatly exaggerated and she has a stowaway;
Gypsy shakes her off their tail
Host segment 2: Mike searches for something good on the radio...and fails
Host segment 3: Tom hits something that really likes Crow!
End: Crow serves up juicy revenge, a letter from Dr. Peanut, a last word from Pearl
Stinger: The smarmy corporal out Donny Most-ing
805- THE THING THAT COULDN'T DIE
First shown: 3/1/97
Opening: Artiste Tom creates negative images of patron Crow
Intro: We meet The Observers, super-intelligent beings who carry their brains around with them.
Pearl and Bobo are their guests
Host segment 1: An irritating Observer arrives and observes
Host segment 2: The Observers enable Mike to materialize anyone from his memory
Host segment 3: Crow premieres his documentary on the Civil War
End: Tom has a plan to make Crow do unspeakable acts; Pearl and Bobo get ready for bed
Stinger: Observers
806- THE UNDEAD
First shown: 3/8/97
Opening: Trying to fill in the viewers, Mike vapor-locks
Intro: The Observers test everybody and Servo tests well
Host segment 1: Servo becomes an Observer--then the spoons turn up missing
Host segment 2: The witch from the movie appears, but she's going through some changes
Host segment 3: Mike plays his Digger Smolken album
End: Crow is an imp, Tom and Mike lash out at Leonard Maltin, and Bobo makes a brain sammich
Stinger: Observers
807- TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000
First shown: 3/15/97
Opening: Tom "comfort rates" everything
Intro: The Observers make Pearl and Bobo fight, but the M&TB aren't getting the message
Host segment 1: The Observers offer their superior food
Host segment 2: Mike sends Crow back in time, but soon regrets it
Host segment 3: The Observers croon "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms"
End: Mike sets Crow up with a blind date from the year 5000, while Pearl declares her humanity
Stinger: Observers
808- THE SHE CREATURE
First shown: 4/5/97
Opening: Crow and Tom confuse similiar sounding household products
Intro: The Observers prepare to dissect Bobo, Pearl begs for a distraction, but the nanites
provide a Number 7!
Host segment 1: Crow presents the "Tickle Me Carlo Lombardi" doll
Host segment 2: Pearl and Bobo have a stowaway
Host segment 3: Mike demonstrates the non-acting method of Lance Fuller
End: Questions about the movie, and M&TB find they are being held
Stinger: Bobo investigates a planet...closely
809- I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF
First shown: 4/19/97
Opening: Mike is to be removed as captain!
Intro: While camping, Pearl lowers the SOL's shields, and a face hugging alien finds Tom
appealing
Host segment 1: Crow's proximity detector detects a lot of humidity
Host segment 2: Servo goes after the alien, but gets stuck, the big crybaby
Host segment 3: It's alien eggs omelets for everyone! But Crow has some criticisms
End: The alien is draining the SOL's energy and Mike is forced to become really repulsive! And
at camp, Pearl tells some scary stories!
Stinger: "People bug me, too!" (Movie stingers return.)
810- THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION
First shown: 5/31/97
Opening: Tom shows spirit, but Mike and Crow only offer MRxL
Intro: The campers recall their trip, Tom portages and Pearl shares some pod-like "zucchini"
Host segment 1: Pod-Gypsy suggests sleep, but Mike is suspicious
Host segment 2: Mike and the bots try to stay awake, while Bobo is skeptical
Host segment 3: Pod-Servo seems convincing, until asked about his "collection"
End: Bobo saves the day, but Pearl declares movie sign again!
Stinger: Pthpthpthp!
811- "PARTS": THE CLONUS HORROR
First shown: 6/7/97
Opening: Mike has a moustache and the bots like it--sort of
Intro: Three runaway space children awaken the campers
Host segment 1: The campers are forced to play games with the kids
Host segment 2: M&TB help Pearl out by putting on a public TV show
Host segment 3: Pearl, Bobo and Observer have "that" chat with the kids
End: Crow has a nosejob, and Tom has written a poem for the kids
Stinger: "Sure!"
812- THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES
First shown: 6/14/97
Opening: It's walk-a-thon season
Intro: Pearl is taking the space kids home and has Bobo and Observer send the movie
Host segment 1: The bots try to read Mike's future for 50 cents
Host segment 2: M&TB ask Shelli the Nanite for the "big hair" look
Host segment 3: Crow hires Ortega to cater the break
End: Crow and Tom build a roller coaster; Pearl meets the kids' parents
Stinger: "What do you think we came here for...to eat?"
813- JACK FROST
First shown: 7/12/97
Opening: Mike Nelson IS Lord of the Dance!
Intro: Mike mediates a squabble between Bobo and Brain Guy
Host segment 1: Crow hires a Russian expert: Yakov Smirnoff
Host segment 2: Crow's a bear, while Bobo and Brain Guy find common ground
Host segment 3: Crow hires another Russian expert--or someone like him
End: Tom fails in his attempt to be cute; Bobo and Brain Guy discuss ape movies, but Pearl
returns to settle the matter
Stinger: "Bring on my fiancee!"
814- RIDING WITH DEATH
First shown: 7/19/97
Opening: Mike, who once spent two weeks as a Japanese chef, has a relapse
Intro: Pearl and company are under fire! She begs Mike for air support...and gets it--with
world shattering results!
Host segment 1: Tom sings about the 70s (and the 50s, too)
Host segment 2: Tom acquires a buttless truck driver body
Host segment 3: Crow is Turkey Volume Guessing Man!
End: Mike, Crow and Tom spoof the end of the film, while Pearl is weighed down with medals
Stinger: Jim Stafford is really happy!
815- AGENT FOR H.A.R.M.
First shown: 8/2/97
Opening: M&TB are into "extreme" things
Intro: Mike is put on trial for crimes against the universe!
Host segment 1: Pearl and Bobo give their opening statements
Host segment 2: The bots give their video depositions
Host segment 3: Observer takes the stand
End: Crow and Tom hold a candlelight vigil, and the judge gives his verdict and sentence
Stinger: Spaz chop!
816- PRINCE OF SPACE
First shown: 8/16/97
Opening: Crow and Tom's "Dog and Bear" game gets out of hand
Intro: Bobo, then the Widowmaker, then the SOL are dragged into a wormhole
Host segment 1: M&TB are unstuck in time
Host segment 2: Mike is transformed into a small robot
Host segment 3: The wormhole deposits M&TB in a rather lovely sylvan glen
End: All seems normal again on the SOL (except for the presense of Krankor), but Pearl and
Observer have arrived on Earth in Roman times!
Stinger: The Phantom says: "Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!"
817- HORROR OF PARTY BEACH
First shown: 9/6/97
Opening: Tom harmonizes his overtones with the fundamental
Intro: Servo's "fundamental" turns out to be pre-recorded; meanwhile "Apearlo" and "Brainguyus"
settle in with a delighted Callipygeas and suspicious Flavia
Host segment 1: The manly beach dance is postponed because Mike's trunks are a bit small
Host segment 2: Apearlo & Brainguyus' jam becomes a beef commercial
Host segment 3: Tom's a newsy with very up-to-date news
End: M&TB sing "Sodium;" meanwhile as Callipygeas and Brainguyus bond, Apearlo and Flavia
trade...er...pleasantries
Stinger: A less-than-manly beach dance
818- DEVIL DOLL
First shown: 10/4/97
Opening: It's Friday at the dorm and M&TB have a window!
Intro: The window is going back, but a drunken Crow smashes it; while Apearlo and Brainguyus
liven up a dull Roman party with pants
Host segment 1: Crow expresses interest in Pitch's line of devil dolls, Mike disapproves
Host segment 2: The bots set up a British pub, with a *very* stout ale on tap
Host segment 3: Pitch helps Crow transfer Servo's soul, Mike disapproves.
End: Crow dresses Mike up as Hugo, Mike disapproves. Meanwhile Apearlo and Brainguys, attending
Lesser God Day at the Colosseum, see a familar face!
Stinger: Hugo takes a licking and keeps on ticking
819- INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN
First shown: 10/11/97
Opening: Tom and Crow worry about Mike's eyelash mites.
Intro: The nanites take on the mites; The Mad Goth (Bobo) is getting more attention than
goddess Apearlo
Host segment 1: Mike's love of Noh theater causes confusion
Host segment 2: Tom comes down with Roji Panty complex; Pearl and Observer have no luck with
Bobo
Host segment 3: M&TB are near despair, then Krankor visits
End: Crow has some suggestions, while a conk on the head from Pearl restores Bobo's memory,
with unfortunate consequences
Stinger: Little boy faw down
820- SPACE MUTINY
First shown: 11/7/97
Opening: Crow and Tom think Mike's encyclopedias are outdated
Intro: Mike has new encyclopedias; Pearl, Bobo and Observer are in prison
Host segment 1: Mike's tea time is interrupted by the bots trashing some escape pods
Host segment 2: Crow's a Bellerian...or is he?; Bobo's escape plan fails
Host segment 3: Servo installs railings
End: Tom is buff, Crow less so. Meanwhile Pearl, Bobo and Observer escape, and a fire begins!
Stinger: Our hero bravely screams like a girl and bails out
821- TIME CHASERS
First shown: 11/22/97
Opening: Mike explains what's happened since the last show, but Tom just needs him to say "Lost
in Space"
Intro: Mike & Pearl have a nice chat
Host segment 1: Tom sends Crow back in time to convince Mike the dude to stop taking temp jobs
Host segment 2: Crow succeeds and, returning to the SOL, finds Mike's surly big brother Eddie
in Mike's place, and learns that Mike's new future was worse than the old one
Host segment 3: Having seen the future, Crow returns to the past to keep Crow from performing
his mission
End: Mike refuses to say what needs to be said, and, during another nice chat, Pearl points out
a troubling detail
Stinger: "Matt, it's time for you decide if you're gonna be one of my team players or not"
822- OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK
First shown: 12/6/97
Opening: Crow wants to cash in on his catchphrase: "You know you want me, baby!"
Intro: Mike tries to find himself a catchphrase, while Public Pearl TV begins its dubious
pledge drive
Host segment 1: Crow & Tom order a monkey, which escapes and throws stuff
Host segment 2: While Mike continues to struggle with Henry the monkey, PPTV presents a preview
of "Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! Pearl!"
Host segment 3: Tom asks to be doppled to the nanite world, and soon regrets it
End: Bobo tries and fails to talk Henry down, so Mike takes deplorable action. Meanwhile, Pearl
is counting her ill-gotten gain
Stinger: "'m I nuts?"
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SEASON NINE: 1998
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901- THE PROJECTED MAN
First shown: 3/14/98
Opening: The SOL exits the wormhole; they're back orbiting the Earth in the present
Intro: Pearl arrives at Castle Forrester, the Forrester ancestral home; she decides to move in
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom have invented a projecting machine--or have they?
Host segment 2: Mike tries to convince Lembach to stay; Pearl learns more family history
Host segment 3: Crow acquires the Touch of Death, and accidentally kills Mike
End: Tom and Crow vie to get funding from Mike's new foundation; while in Castle Forrester
Pearl rededicates herself to taking over the world
Stinger: Lembach is staying!
902- THE PHANTOM PLANET
First shown: 3/21/98
Opening: Crow and Tom challenge Mike to an Andy Rooney-off
Intro: Pearl's World Domination Starter Kit arrives from Speigel, but the all-important "thing"
has been mis-delivered to the SOL
Host segment 1: Mike and Tom focus their attention on the Good and the Beautiful
Host segment 2: Mike slips Crow's mind; spooky sounds in Castle Forrester turn out to be less
than other-worldly
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom, having taken up water glass rim music, invite Mike to try it, and
soon regret that they did
End: Crow is baffled and enraged by his Solarite costume; Pearl despairs of taking over the
world until torch-wielding neighbors arrive
Stinger: The "Good and the Beautiful" are extolled
903- PUMA MAN
First shown: 4/4/98
Opening: Tom has Short Man's Syndrome
Intro: Tom is better; Pearl's ball is somewhat under-attended, while Observer has Ortega and
some buddies over
Host segment 1: Mike offends Shelli the Nanite, so his dry look does not come out well
Host segment 2: Mike has been chosen to be Coatimundi Man
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom capture the mind of Roger Whitaker
End: Crow resigns briefly; while a guest finally arrives at Pearl's party
Stinger: Puma Man is defenestrated
904- WEREWOLF
First shown: 4/18/98
Opening: Mike thinks he's James Lipton
Intro: After being de-Liptonized, Mike attempts to escape down a ladder to Earth, only to
arrive at Castle Forrester
Host segment 1: Mike and Tom present who would be in their werewolf movie, but Crow isn't as
good at it
Host segment 2: M&TB sing "Where, o, werewolf"
Host segment 3: Mike has become a werecrow!
End: Mike is still Crow, Tom has become Mike; in Castle Forrester, Bobo ruins Pearl's attempt
to create a werewolf
Stinger: "This is absolutely fascinating!"
905- THE DEADLY BEES
First shown: 5/9/98
Opening: Previously on the Satellite of Love...
Intro: The Observers are back...and they're pissed
Host segment 1: Crow offers a sonnet to the cigarette hag in the movie
Host segment 2: Pearl, Bobo and Observer perform the "Please Stay" operetta
Host segment 3: Mike communicates as a bee
End: The Observers have it out and Brain Guy is victorious
Stinger: "The dog's meat! Have you seen it?"
906- THE SPACE CHILDREN
with short: "CENTURY 21 CALLING"
First shown: 6/13/98
Opening: Tom's kissing booth
Intro: Pearl's officing fails
Host segment 1: Mike's the kid from the short! Bonk!
Host segment 2: M&TB's model rocket; Pearl has a space program
Host segment 3: Crow lashes out with Jackie Coogan fashions
End: The peace loving blob visits; Pearl's space program has a problem
Stinger: Dead Professor
907- HOBGOBLINS
First shown: 6/27/98
Opening: Unintentional on-turning
Intro: M&TB mistreat Pearl's couch, and soon regret it
Host segment 1: Crow presents: "Let's Talk Women!"
Host segment 2: Bobo calls Crow's crisis hotline
Host segment 3: Pearl is only briefly fooled by Mike's cutouts
End: Servo has solved the Rick Sloane problem...or has he?; Pearl expresses her disappointment
Stinger: The hobgoblins go for a ride
908- THE TOUCH OF SATAN
First shown: 7/11/98
Opening: The bots seek wassail
Intro: Mike finds a wassail loophole; Steffi the babysitter's reign of terror
Host segment 1: Mike learns that walnut ranching is hard work
Host segment 2: Crow tries a test to see if he's a witch
Host segment 3: Grandma Servo attacks
End: Crow sells his soul to Stan; storytime with Steffi
Stinger: "This is where the fish lives."
909- GORGO
First shown: 7/18/98
Opening: Crow's head has become a nesting place of the Spix's macaw.
Intro: Observer & Bobo's arm wrestling match is interrupted by a transmission from Pearl
and...Leonard Maltin!
Host segment 1: "Waiting For Gorgo"
Host segment 2: The William Sylvester edition of Trivial Pursuit
Host segment 3: The Nanite's circus encounters tragedy
End: The women of "Gorgo," Pearl & Leonard continue to plot
Stinger: Irish fisherman says "Blow it out your..." something.
910- THE FINAL SACRIFICE
First shown: 7/25/98
Opening: With the power shut down, the bots go looting
Intro: Pearl decides to rule the world...one person at a time
Host segment 1: Servo's song--a tribute to Canada--goes horribly wrong
Host segment 2: Everybody (but Mike) contracts Hockey Hair
Host segment 3: Mike comes down with a case of Grizzled Old Prospector Syndrome
End: The bots have formed a muffiny cult; Pearl has another victim
Stinger: "Rowsdower...?"
911- DEVIL FISH
First shown: 8/15/98
Opening: Mike loses his identity...or does he?
Intro: Pearl's cruise ship scheme requires M&TB to make ice sculptures.
Host segment 1: M&TB learn that dolphins are smart...and touchy!
Host segment 2: M&TB learn not to taunt electricians.
Host segment 3: Pearl's Italian filter malfunctions
End: Crow tries to think of animal combos, while dinner at the Captain's table doesn't go well.
Stinger: "It's right underneath us!" "I knowwwww!"
912- THE SCREAMING SKULL
with short: "ROBOT RUMPUS"
First shown: 8/29/98
Opening: Tom has become a beautiful butterfly.
Intro: Tom's still a butterfly, but you can't really tell; Pearl, Observer and Bobo pull a
not-so-fast one on M&TB.
Host segment 1: The bots try to work through the pain of the Gumby short
Host segment 2: The bots try to scam a free coffin
Host segment 3: Crow, disguised as a screaming skull, freaks Mike out
End: The coffin arrives from Coffins Etc.; Bobo fails to pull an even-less fast one on M&TB.
Stinger: Hubby flings his stool.
913- QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS
First shown: 9/26/98
Opening: Crow's in the shop, but the loaner Crow has a radio!
Intro: Worried about a lack of results in her experiment, Pearl trades places with Mike!
Host segment 1: Pearl completes her observations, while Mike, Bobo and Observer enjoy a guy's
night.
Host segment 2: The Sir Thomas "Neville" Servo Consort of the Middle Ages Just After the Plague
Singers performs an ancient Air on a Delta Knight.
Host segment 3: Leonardo Da Vinci visits, and he's a good fella.
End: The bots mourn the loss of Pearl; the annual Delta Knights Pancake Breakfast is a success.
Stinger: Even his co-star is embarrassed by Mr. "I'm Coming!!"
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SEASON TEN: 1999
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1001- SOULTAKER
First shown: April 11, 1999.
Opening: The bots are confused about why their "wet T-shirt contest" is so dull; commercial
sign malfunctions.
Intro: The malfunctions on the SOL get worse; Pearl and the gang don't care
Host segment 1: With Gypsy malfunctioning, Mike tries to take command, with the expected
results.
Host segment 2: *Everything* goes wrong on the SOL, but nobody in Castle Forrester can help
because a soultaker has appeared--and it's TV'S FRANK!
Host segment 3: The mysterious visitor who saved the ship appears on the bridge--and it's JOEL!
He fills in the bots on what he's been up to, and he and Mike share a tender moment.
End: Joel's completes repairs on the SOL, says hi to Frank, and departs with some uplifting
words to M&TB; in Castle Forrester, Bobo and Frank hit it off.
Stinger: Mom ogles her daughter (ew!).
1002- THE GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS
First shown: April 18, 1999.
Opening: Crow explains his WWBSMD bracelet; Pearl has evil plans.
Intro: More bracelets; Pearl, seeking board certification from the Institute of Mad Scientists,
impresses the visiting inspector.
Host segment 1: Crow exacts petty, childish revenge on Mike.
Host segment 2: Crow is shakin' his moneymaker, much to Mike's dismay.
Host segment 3: Mike sings in the rain, causing much havoc.
End: The movie has caused M&TB dress like the ugly thug in the movie and chuckle; this fails to
impress the inspector--but Brain Guy does!
Stinger: "Oh, God, I wish I had that pretty mind back!"
1003- MERLIN'S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS
First shown: September 12, 1999.
Opening: M&TB are into 1920s-era college pranks.
Intro: Pearl's latest IMS assignment makes Servo a despotic ruler, briefly, though Bobo taints
the control group.
Host segment 1: "Niche reviewers" Crow and Servo review each other; both get panned.
Host segment 2: Servo acquires a magical spell book, which turns Mike into an infant. Waah.
Host segment 3: Mike shows off his collection of Ernest Borgnine childrens' books, which are
decidedly dark.
End: Pearl sends Bobo to the SOL disguised as an evil toy monkey, but M&TB send him back; Pearl
sums up her progress, while Brain Guy tries the vacuum-bump bit on Bobo.
Stinger: Little kid sings: "Rock 'n' roll martian..."
1004- FUTURE WAR
First shown: April 25, 1999.
Opening: The Bots calculate how many times a lady Gypsy is.
Intro: Pearl conducts LSD experiments on the bots.
Host segment 1: Tom makes a pair of legs so he can kickbox, but Gypsy has a leg up on him.
Host segment 2: M&TB thank Pearl for not killing them, which puts a crimp in her plans.
Host segment 3: Droppy the Water Droplet visits.
End: Mike has a biiig chin; Pearl explodes Bobo and Brain Guy's plans for going on the road.
Stinger: The future warrior's shirt is head-butted right off.
1005- BLOOD WATERS OF DR. Z
First shown: May 2, 1999.
Opening: Crow enjoys a nice chaw.
Intro: Crow labels his chaw cans; Pearl conducts a maternal love deprivation experiment.
Host segment 1: Mike becomes wedged in the bulkhead of Crow's evil voiceover
Host segment 2: Gone fishin'.
Host segment 3: Brain Guy & Bobo demonstrate Crow & Tom's naked acting theory.
End: Crow & Tom show off their specialized food carrying cases; Pearl's mer-monkey has an
admirer.
Stinger: "Sargassum! The weed of deceit!"
1006- BOGGY CREEK II
First shown: May 9, 1999.
Opening: Crow and Mike's Cub Scout meeting is crashed by Servo the Brownie.
Intro: Now Servo's a Flemish glass blower; Pearl's potato-powered evil plan.
Host segment 1: M&TB's flashbacks get fuzzier and fuzzier.
Host segment 2: Pearl cooks up a monster legend, complete with haunt